Happy relationships are not a matter of luck!
Here you will receive valuable support with the most important challenges surrounding the topic of relationships and love.
Benefit from the sound expertise of our relationship experts and couples therapists and find the answers to your questions here.
Our proven recommendations from research and practice are continuously updated and expanded.
Here we explore fascinating questions surrounding the topic of relationship quality: What distinguishes a happy relationship from a toxic one? Which relationship myths make our lives unnecessarily difficult? What are the prerequisites for being able to open up to another person? What criteria can we use to recognize when a relationship is developing in a negative direction? How can we successfully counteract a decline in relationship quality? What does it take to break free from a destructive entanglement? Click here for all articles →
A respectful and compassionate exchange, driven by the desire to better understand one another and to learn about each other's thoughts, feelings, and needs, is not a given—not even in a romantic relationship. We humans are different and often speak different "languages" when it comes to love. This can lead to misunderstandings or the impression that the other person is intentionally ignoring, misunderstanding, or even hurting us. How can we keep our own needs and our partner's desires equally in mind? What does it take to feel (again) like a strong team? What are the "dos and don'ts" of successful communication? Click here for all articles →
Cheating and infidelity are the ultimate disaster for almost any relationship. When an affair is exposed, love is shaken to its core in an instant. Nothing is ever the same again. In most cases, it's initially uncertain whether the resulting wreckage can be repaired or not. Many couples have to grapple with issues like "falling in love with someone else," "cheating and affairs," "dealing with jealousy," and "forgiving" over the course of a long-term relationship. Here, we want to shed light on the causes and consequences of these sensitive topics and show a way to successfully overcome even painful challenges and save the relationship. Click here for all articles →
Most relationships experience periods of significant stress and challenges over time, which can lead to a relationship crisis. What are the most common causes of relationship crises or the uncertainty about whether there is still (enough) love? What is needed to ensure that the crisis doesn't signal the end of the partnership, but instead becomes an opportunity to examine the relationship and draw positive conclusions – so that both partners feel truly comfortable (again)? Click here for all articles →
What do you do when, as a couple, you can no longer prevent arguments and escalation due to differing opinions and needs? What do you do when the atmosphere in your relationship is constantly tense and irritable? What do you do when feelings of alienation are growing stronger? In these situations, marriage counseling or couples therapy may be urgently indicated and the appropriate form of support to finally resolve debilitating conflicts, persistent problems, or ongoing misunderstandings, and to help you rediscover what you loved about each other and what enriched your life together. Click here for all articles →
For most people, sexuality and eroticism are an integral part of a romantic relationship—and what distinguishes it from mere friendship. But this area of life isn't always experienced as uncomplicated and enriching. Often, one or both partners find it difficult to talk about sexual desires. Desire usually diminishes significantly over time. This can become a problem, but it doesn't have to. The most important thing is to consciously address the topics of eroticism, intimacy, sex, desire, and lack thereof in long-term relationships and to maintain open communication and exchange. Click here for all articles →
What is the right option in your personal situation: to go down the path of a final separation, to try a trial separation, or to immediately try for a fresh start with your partner? We humans are social beings and yearn for togetherness and belonging. We are not made for being alone. A separation is therefore never easy. That's why it's so important to address this complex topic as frankly and honestly as possible – regardless of whether the goal is to prevent a separation or to navigate and process it. Click here for all articles →
How is your relationship doing? What are the strengths and weaknesses of your partnership? Are you aware of your resources as a couple? Have you overlooked any important challenges? How would experts assess the current quality of your relationship? A scientifically based relationship test can help you gain a comprehensive overview of the status quo of your partnership and provide initial, concrete suggestions on how to strengthen your relationship.
Here you can find all our blog articles again in alphabetical order:
Have you and your partner grown apart? Here we explain the most common reasons and 11 typical warning signs, describe the 'classic' phases of a relationship, and give concrete recommendations on what you can do for your love now. Read more →
When an affair comes to light, it shakes a relationship more fundamentally than almost anything else – regardless of whether the infidelity is a one-time thing, repeated indiscretions, or a longer affair. Read more →
Even though every affair is different, most affairs follow a similar pattern. Learn about the 7 phases of an affair, the most frequently asked questions, and essential advice on dealing with affairs. Read more →
There are many reasons why people develop commitment issues and find it difficult to embark on a romantic relationship. The good news is that these fears are usually quite manageable. Read more →
According to John Gottman, there are four behavioral patterns that cause particularly severe damage to partnerships. Gottman calls them "the four horsemen of the apocalypse of relationships." This article will tell you what they are and how you can banish them. Read more →
Are you considering a break in your relationship? Here you'll find sound decision-making support with key insights from couples therapy. Read more →
In relationships, initial perfection can transform into noticeable differences that lead to conflict. Communication, intimacy, and shared values are challenged. By exploring the root causes, communicating openly, and focusing on positive aspects, couples can find ways to strengthen and improve their relationship. Read more →
Arguments, jealousy, or lack of affection: There are many reasons why couples can find themselves in a serious relationship crisis that pushes them to the brink of separation. Then the question arises: "Is our relationship even salvageable? And if so, how?!" Read more →
Entering into a partnership without initial infatuation? Yes – it can work. And even very well. However, it's important to grapple with the 'big questions': What do love and security mean to me and my life? Read more →
As couples therapists, we are confronted daily with the fact that many people are quite wrong about several of their assumptions regarding what constitutes a happy partnership and a fulfilling relationship – sometimes with fatal consequences. Read more →
Want to learn more about the strengths and weaknesses of your relationship? With PaarBalance's scientifically based online relationship test, you'll instantly receive your personal relationship profile. 10 minutes well spent. Read more →
Is your relationship going through a crisis? Have conflicts and dissatisfaction been weighing you down for far too long? Then it's high time your relationship problems were resolved. After all, a partnership should enrich us, not drain our energy... Read more →
Panic and escape plans at the thought of a committed relationship? The 4 best tips on how to turn commitment-phobic people into loving partners. Read more →
Creative date ideas for at home: Over 45 suggestions to rekindle your relationship and bring romantic moments into everyday life. Read more →
Are you looking for marriage counseling or would you like to find out if it could be the right support for you? We answer the most important questions about "marriage counseling & couples therapy": content, goals, procedures, as well as costs & duration. Read more →
Are you considering marriage counseling? Here you'll find all the important information, considerations, and tips to help you decide if marriage counseling is right for you. Read more →
Do you want to save your marriage? Our couples therapists will show you the most important strategies for saving your love and connection—and thus your marriage—and emerging stronger as a couple from this difficult time. Read more →
Do you feel restricted in your love life as parents? We'll show you fresh perspectives to rekindle your romance. Let our strategies inspire you to rediscover love and passion in the (often) hectic family life. Read more →
Experiencing emotional dependency is very distressing. How can you recognize and resolve emotional dependency, overcome fear of loss, feel freer (again) – and ultimately have a healthy, equal partnership? Read more →
Emotional security has a significant impact on the quality of a partnership. Learn about the key characteristics of emotional security and what you can do if you lack emotional security in your relationship. Read more →
Learn everything about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): its philosophy, focus areas, process, costs, and much more. Read more →
Is this still love between us – or just habit? – It hurts to admit that the initial intimacy and passion are largely gone. The good news: feelings of love can be rekindled. And often faster than you think... Read more →
Are you single again and want to win back your ex-partner and have them by your side again? Then you should leave as little as possible to chance. The risk of making major mistakes should definitely be minimized. Read more →
Are you experiencing a marital crisis? Do you want to finally overcome your marital problems? Our relationship experts will show you the way out of the crisis. Read more →
Is your marriage in crisis? Are you looking for a way to overcome your marital problems? We can help you rediscover the joy of being together. Read more →
Whether you want to combat jealousy because it torments you personally, or you feel unjustly accused by your jealous partner: Intense jealousy puts a strain on every relationship! Read more →
Maintaining a long-distance relationship – especially over an extended period – can be a real test for many couples. This article provides key insights and tips on the topic of "Long-Distance Relationships & Love Across the Distance." Read more →
Are you in a committed relationship and have fallen in love with someone else? What might be the reasons behind this, and what can you do now? Read more →
Have you been cheated on? Are you worried your partner might be unfaithful? Have you cheated yourself? Are you the third party involved? Have you been privy to a cheating drama as a friend? In this article, we'll bring order to the emotional chaos. Read more →
Are there clear signs that your partner is being tempted by someone else or has already cheated? This will help you determine whether your suspicions are justified or if your imagination is simply running away with you. Read more →
How does someone typically behave after an affair? A summary of the most significant behavioral changes in unfaithful partners, plus initial guidance if you suspect your partner is being unfaithful. Read more →
Compromise in a relationship: When do they foster togetherness, and when are they detrimental? Discover how to strike a balance and in which areas compromises can strengthen—or strain—your partnership. Read more →
Loss of libido can strain relationships and has various causes, such as physical illness, stress, and relationship problems. Learn what helps and how you can restore intimacy and sexual desire. Read more →
Is habit in a relationship the "beginning of the end"? Or a natural and necessary component? Our couples therapists answer this and other questions in this article. Read more →
For you, nothing beats spending time with your loved one. When your partner consciously and exclusively spends beautiful moments with you, you feel loved. The advantages and challenges of this "love language"—and how to communicate your needs effectively. Read more →
As someone whose love language is "helpfulness," support is paramount for you in a relationship. You want to help those you love—as often and as much as possible. And you want the same in return. Read more →
You don't need gifts or material things. Words of appreciation or whispered affection are the greatest sign of love. Learn here about the advantages and challenges of this "love language"—and how to clearly communicate your needs. Read more →
Experiencing love for one's partner through tenderness or erotic touch is a wonderful form of communication for many. Learn about the special characteristics and challenges of this "love language"—and how you can clearly express your needs. Read more →
Gifts bought with love or made by hand are a very special symbol of your partner's love. Learn all about the advantages and challenges of this "love language" and get the best tips for communicating your needs. Read on →
Are you doubting whether your partner still loves you? – We humans are attachment beings. Not knowing whether we can still feel secure is incredibly draining. Find out as soon as possible how your relationship is doing and what you can do now. Read more →
"Do I still love him?" "Does he still love me?" "What's next for us?" - Our couples therapists can help if you're no longer sure whether everything is still "right" in your relationship. Read more →
Balancing the numerous needs, obligations, and desires of all family members requires an incredible amount of effort. Prevent your relationship from being jeopardized by an unfair division of labor. Read more →
Ever wondered if you're in a relationship with a narcissist? Discover the signs and warning signals that can help you identify a narcissist in this article. Read more →
Can an open relationship work? If so, how? Our couples therapists answer the most important questions, challenges, risks, opportunities, and what rules are needed for an open relationship. Read more →
Relationship stress can be very stressful, yet many people hesitate to seek professional help. Couples counseling offers quick and effective support for problems such as communication difficulties, lack of respect, or taboo topics. Read more →
If you're suffering in your relationship, you should seek help as soon as possible, before it's too late. To help you make the right decision, this article provides all the important information about couples therapy. Read more →
Professional support can often provide surprisingly quick relief in relationship crises. But what are the costs of couples therapy? And what do other helpful measures cost? Read more →
Are you looking for a suitable couples therapist in the Munich area? In this article, we have compiled a list of proven couples therapy options from various therapeutic approaches in and around Munich. Read more →
Can a chatbot solve relationship problems? Artificial intelligence is increasingly encroaching on the most sensitive area of our lives: love. Find out here what AI tools can really do – and why real change often requires more than a clever algorithm. Read more →
Learn more about online couples therapy "PaarBalance": The fastest and easiest way to take your love to a new level. Read more →
Porn addiction is more than a harmless vice – it can deeply damage a relationship. Learn how to recognize if your husband is affected, why his behavior usually has nothing to do with a lack of love – and how you can strengthen yourself and rebuild intimacy together. Read more →
Each of us expresses love in our own way. Why it's so important in a relationship to know your own and your partner's 'love language,' and when it's highly recommended to learn a 'foreign language' – you'll find out here. Includes a self-test. Read more →
"A man is always in the mood for sex!" - right? What does it mean when a man no longer desires his partner? What can you do if you're experiencing a loss of libido, and what can you do if your partner does? You'll find the answers here. Read more →
When one partner loses interest in sex, it can seriously damage a relationship. What are the most common causes of low libido in women? How can libido be rekindled? Find the answers here. Read more →
Both partners always suffer in an argument. Learn here how you can avoid conflicts in the future, and what it takes to break out of the negative spiral as quickly as possible if trying to change course doesn't work. Read more →
Many couples eventually reach the same point: things aren't really working (or working) in the bedroom anymore. Our couples therapists have examined seven of the most common sex myths and explain what's needed for a relaxed approach to the topic of sex. Read more →
Learn everything about what systemic couples therapy entails: the philosophy, focus areas, process, costs, and much more. Read more →
Is separation the right way out of relationship frustration at this point? Answers from research on couples therapy and separation should help you make the right decisions for yourself. Read more →
Recognizing and avoiding toxic relationships. - Is separation the only way out of a toxic relationship? Or can you work through it together? Here you'll find everything you need to know about toxic relationships and ways out of the crisis. Read more →
Should I separate or not? – One of the most difficult questions of all. Before you can make the right decision for yourself, you should be as clear-headed as possible. We want to help you with that. Read more →
Are you considering separation due to unsatisfying or nonexistent sex life? Our couples therapists offer helpful tips on what you can do about a lack of sex. Read more →
Why do couples repeatedly choose to end a relationship despite still being in love? When is this advisable from a couples therapy perspective? When is it not? – You can find out this and more about breaking up despite love in our blog article. Read more →
Are you considering a trial separation and wondering if a break in your relationship might be good for you? We can help you gain clarity on whether and under what conditions a trial separation makes sense for your partnership. Read more →
Is separation the right way out of relationship frustration at this point? Answers from research on couples therapy and separation should help you make the right decisions for yourself. Read more →
Have you fallen in love with someone else despite being in a relationship? Find out here what you absolutely should and shouldn't do now. Read more →
Why trust is so crucial and how you can (re)build or strengthen it. Read more →
In the early stages of a relationship, most people newly in love spend every free minute together. But the path from "24/7 togetherness" to "Maybe we'll manage to talk for a few minutes tonight" is usually surprisingly short… Read more →
Does my partner deserve a second chance? Learn how to make a fresh start in your relationship and when you should end it. You'll find sound advice for giving your relationship a second chance. Read more →
Gain a comprehensive overview of the most important resources and challenges in your relationship - no matter which relationship topic you are currently most interested in.
10 minutes that can sustainably change your (couple's) life.
Perhaps you have been thinking about the topic for some time now: "How can we succeed in feeling more love and connection in our partnership again?"
You are not alone in asking this question. Many women and men in long-term relationships feel the same way.
Unfortunately, only a few have the courage or self-confidence (in the true sense of the word: being aware that it is about one 's own life satisfaction and therefore about taking initiative) to bravely take action against the creeping deterioration and increasing lack of love.
We are all the more pleased that you have made this important decision for yourself and taken action! Strengthening a somewhat strained relationship usually doesn't take much at all – just a little:
You will soon realize: What seems like relationship "work" can quickly turn into relationship "wellness".
There are countless good (and unfortunately sometimes not so good) blogs.
But even the best relationship advice cannot transform a partnership in crisis into a permanently happy relationship in seconds, because:
Just because something is spoken doesn't automatically mean it's been heard .
Heard does not automatically mean understood .
Understanding does not automatically mean internalizing .
Internalizing something doesn't automatically mean implementing it .
Implementation does not automatically mean retention .
For a stable, happy partnership – i.e., deep intimacy, harmonious coexistence, fulfilling sex, etc. – a consistently appreciative approach, a permanently strong sense of togetherness, good communication, and openness to self-reflection on the part of both partners are necessary .
In order for a relationship to be experienced as relaxed and enriching, in addition to many helpful aspects that one should be aware of, widespread relationship myths (e.g. regarding the topics "How relationships work" , "Sex and eroticism" , "Arguments" ) should also be examined.
When a relationship has gone awry and love is no longer truly felt, at least one of the partners will eventually start to feel uneasy inside:
You may currently think it's high time to 'face the facts'; to stop burying your head in the sand; to finally speak openly about exactly where you stand.
Their conclusions from such mental ramblings might then sound something like this: "There's no going back between us. If everything stays the same, there's probably no going back. It can't work without a major change – and that probably means: separation."
But is that really true?
We are convinced: No!
When 'sand has gotten into the (relationship) gears', this is usually evident in the fact that
Especially when there are problems in your relationship, focus on the lovable aspects of your partner and your shared history, and first and foremost try to create the best possible atmosphere.
The better we get along and the more amicable the atmosphere, the easier it is for us to talk peacefully about sensitive topics and find a suitable solution to difficulties that both sides can live with.
This is shown by both relationship research and decades of experience in couple therapy practice.
In this sense, a basic relationship tip for arguments (or whenever there are frequent frictions in the relationship gears) is: "First pleasure – then work."
Representative international studies show that relationship satisfaction decreases continuously during the first ten years of marriage, especially after the birth of the first child.
This means that almost all couples who have been together for a longer period of time (regardless of whether they are male-male, female-male, or female-female constellations) face the same challenge:
You must consciously nurture your relationship to keep your love alive, have fun together, trust each other, share beautiful things, maintain loving communication, avoid getting bogged down in everyday life, grant each other space – and above all: not overreact to difficult moments and the other person's quirks.
Perhaps some of you are thinking: "Why should I always be the one to start things off? I don't want to always be the one to make the first move."
It's perfectly understandable that we want our partner to take the initiative and wait for them to (finally…) change. But we might have been waiting for quite a while already. Or for a very long time to come. Or even in vain. People – whether men or women – almost never change under external pressure – at least not permanently.
If your love is important to you, then it means:
Take action! Get started! Stick with it! Day after day!
Over the course of a long-term partnership, most couples encounter a few 'hot topics' that can lead to growing dissatisfaction.
By applying just a few tailored blog posts and suggestions, it is often possible to noticeably improve the atmosphere (again) surprisingly quickly.
Our relationship researchers and couple therapists Prof. Dr. Ludwig Schindler and Dr. Judith Gastner therefore address all important relationship topics gradually in the PaarBalance blog and provide support with all problems, questions and challenges related to relationships and partnerships , communication , Jealousy, trust & infidelity , relationship crisis , counseling and therapy , sexuality , separation & temporary separation , as well as our free self-tests on the most important relationship topics .
Our greatest wish is to strengthen and save as many relationships as possible. Seeing, hearing, or reading that a partnership in deep crisis has recovered is a profoundly gratifying moment. 🙂
Because relationship research repeatedly draws attention to this and tirelessly emphasizes:
A happy relationship has been proven to be the most important factor for a fulfilling life! And that applies to all of us – whether man or woman, young or old.
To ensure you can take the measures that are exactly right for your individual relationship situation, we recommend that you first start with our (free) CoupleBalance relationship test.
The test comprises 64 important questions about your relationship and how you interact with each other. It is tailored to you (as the individual partner), meaning it focuses on your personal experiences and your approach to relationships.
Immediately afterwards you will receive your CoupleBalance relationship profile, which illustrates the strengths and challenges in your specific couple situation.
This overview has already helped many people to
Furthermore, you will receive initial concrete suggestions on how to specifically improve your relationship and regain the beautiful qualities and feelings from the beginning of your partnership – intimacy, trust, love (all completely non-binding & free of charge).
Love must be nurtured and cared for every day in order to be preserved.
With the conscious decision to behave towards one's partner in a more mindful, respectful and accommodating manner (again) and to do good things for the other person as often as possible, a supposedly 'weak' relationship can flourish surprisingly quickly (again)...
Unfortunately, our relationship often falls by the wayside when we're juggling work, household chores, family, friends, hobbies, etc.
What happens next? The positive aspects become increasingly commonplace. Anything that isn't (yet) running entirely smoothly with our partner starts to get on our nerves. Unresolved problems and challenges pile up.
Instead of tackling and overcoming the difficulties together, we often and quickly resign ourselves, only see the negative, no longer talk about beautiful things, but at best about everyday logistics.
Life becomes more strenuous and joyless. Minor quirks of our partner, which used to be insignificant, now increasingly irritate us. Time and space are no longer made for fulfilling shared experiences. Arguments become more frequent. We have exhausting "problem conversations" that go around in circles.
Should we finally 'take the bull by the horns' the next time we have a row and confront the other person with everything that's been getting on our nerves for ages? That would be understandable... but – better not! 😉
It is a widespread misconception that all problems must first be resolved, all conflicts addressed, and all hurts overcome before a couple can truly reconnect and have a genuinely beautiful and credible relationship again.
If both partners are on edge, conversations about sensitive topics are very likely to fail. The reason: stress hormones flood our bodies and put us in a kind of 'fight or flight' mode.
If one or more of these points apply, there is a risk that our 'inner spotlight' will become increasingly focused on the negative, and beautiful shared moments will fade into the background.
Then it is high time to take action and consistently work to ensure that love endures.
The vast majority of couples in our latitudes came together voluntarily one day: They met (usually casually), perceived each other as likeable and attractive, and fell in love. Perhaps one fell in love faster or more intensely than the other – but they both liked each other.
Clearly, there were a number of endearing qualities that exerted a strong attraction.
And then what? As everyday life gradually sets in, what was once beautiful and special is often perceived as 'normal', and one's focus is increasingly directed towards what is not working optimally.
One's own needs and desires (for love, sex, closeness, trust) increasingly remain unfulfilled.
Now we come to the biggest misconception that can arise in the course of such a development: believing that everything would have developed differently with a different partner and…
It is much more likely that:
Things would n't have turned out completely differently with a different partner . While the exact same problems might not exist now, there would likely be others (of a comparable magnitude).
The good news:
There are people we can definitely influence positively: ourselves!
Studies on relationship satisfaction have shown that the quality of the partnership and the satisfaction of couples improve even when only one partner actively participates (according to the principle of reciprocity ). This even applies to interventions intended as "couples therapy" that ultimately only one partner uses. The other partner automatically follows suit – albeit with a time lag.
If you feel that there is "room for improvement" in your relationship, then it is best to steer your partnership step by step in the direction you want – after all, it is about you feeling good and satisfied and not feeling uncomfortable in your own home day after day.
The motto should therefore be: Act instead of react!
If your partner also benefits from this – all the better. But first and foremost, your own well-being is paramount. And so it is entirely your responsibility to think about how you can make each and every day a 'successful' day.
First of all, congratulations! Clearly, your partnership is very important to you.
They engage extensively with their relationship, read blogs, seek advice and suggestions, and acquire relationship knowledge.
If you'd like to give your relationship a noticeable boost, feel free to participate in our (free) relationship webinar: www.paarbalance.de/beziehungs-webinar
In the live webinar, couple therapist Dr. Judith Gastner shares her valuable relationship knowledge from couple therapy practice and more than 50 years of relationship research, dispels persistent relationship myths, and gives you a personal introduction to the PaarBalance concept of online couple therapy for each partner.
In the live webinar you will learn:
Register now and participate alone or together with your partner: www.paarbalance.de/beziehungs-webinar
