☝🏻 Quick start: Love language: togetherness
Affectionate gestures now and then... Loving words, praise & recognition... Small tokens of appreciation and gifts... Having tedious errands taken off your hands... - All good and all wonderful. Of course. But still:
For you, nothing beats spending time with your loved one. You feel even more loved when your partner consciously and exclusively spends beautiful moments with you (and only with you!).
Note:
If you would like to learn about all 5 love languages according to the concept of American relationship therapist Gary Chapman and take a free self-test, you can find our overview article here: The 5 Love Languages - Explained by Relationship Therapists
The importance of togetherness as a love language
People whose primary love language is togetherness need a great deal of closeness and shared time with their partner to be truly happy. For them, this is by far the most important love language.
If you too are among those who love being in a relationship, the following experiences are probably familiar to you:
Wonderful time together – in both quality and quantity.
You may feel that your love needs enough time to truly blossom. Perhaps the longer you are together, the more intimate your time with your partner becomes. There is no greater affirmation of your loved one's love than when they take a few uninterrupted days for you (for example, on vacation), allowing you both to be completely present for each other.
When your partner travels (too) much...
A partner who is constantly absent (physically or mentally) is difficult for you to bear and can make you feel very insecure. After all, your own principle is: "If I love someone, I automatically want to spend as much wonderful time with him/her as possible." If the other person isn't truly there for you, you can't relax and let go.
Advantages of the love language 'quality time'
Like each of the five love languages, spending time together has a number of advantages that you can enjoy if you or your partner are native speakers of these languages.
deepens the relationship
When people spend uninterrupted, high-quality time together, their relationship almost inevitably becomes more intimate and deeper. They get to know each other better, and the bond between them grows stronger.
Improves communication
Während Menschen, die vornehmlich andere Liebessprachen sprechen, mit teils weniger tiefer verbaler Kommunikation auskommen mögen, möchten Partner mit hohem Zweisamkeitsbedürfnis dem anderen in der Regel die eigenen Gedanken mitteilen. Da regelmäßiger Austausch und respektvolle Kommunikation für Konfliktlösung und -prävention enorm wichtig sind, fällt es Menschen mit dieser Liebessprache oft leichter, stabile Langzeitbeziehungen zu führen.
Stärkt alle Bereiche der Beziehung
Ungestörte gemeinsame Zeit ist die Grundvoraussetzung dafür, dass sich andere Bereiche einer Beziehung voll entfalten können. Von Kommunikation haben wir bereits gesprochen, aber auch mit Zärtlichkeit verhält es sich ähnlich. Oft ist die Ursache für eine sexuell eingeschlafene Beziehung schlichtweg, dass ein Paar nicht genügend Raum hat, um intim miteinander zu werden. Beschäftigen sich beide wieder ungestört und ohne Zeitdruck miteinander, steigt die Chance, dass es zwischen beiden auch wieder zu erotischen Begegnungen kommt.
Herausforderungen der Liebessprache Quality Time (Zweisamkeit)
☝🏻 Darauf sollten Sie achten:
"Zweisamkeit" ist wohl diejenige der fünf Sprachen der Liebe, die am leichtesten zu Konflikten führen kann. Insbesondere, wenn Ihr/e Partner/in sehr viel arbeitet oder viel Zeit für sich selbst braucht, kommt es schnell vor, dass Ihr Bedürfnis, schöne gemeinsame Zeit ("Quality time") miteinander zu verbringen, nicht erfüllt wird.
Die Lösung für dieses Problem: Offene Kommunikation!
Wie man seine Bedürfnisse richtig kommuniziert
Wenn Sie zu den 'Quality time'-Liebessprachlern gehören, sollte Ihr Partner bzw. Ihre Partnerin unbedingt wissen, wie wichtig exklusive Zweisamkeit für Sie ist. Sprechen Sie mit Ihrem Partner bzw. Ihrer Partnerin - auf liebevolle Weise und ohne vorwurfsvoll zu werden.
Passen Sie auf, dass Sie ein möglicherweise generell niedrigeres Nähe-Bedürfnis Ihres Partners bzw. Ihrer Partnerin nicht als 'weniger Liebe' (fehl)interpretieren.
Finden Sie immer wieder aufs Neue heraus, wann wer von Ihnen beiden wie viel Zeit für Zweisamkeit bzw. Zeit für seine jeweils eigenen Anliegen braucht - und suchen Sie gemeinsam nach Lösungen, mit denen Sie im jeweiligen Moment beide gut leben können. Es gibt dabei keine allgemeingültige Patentlösung, die 'ein für alle mal' getroffen werden könnte, sondern Sie müssen immer wieder neu miteinander 'verhandeln'.
Denken Sie daran: Ein Kompromiss ist nur dann 'gut', wenn er beiden (ein bisschen) weh tut. 😉
Test: Welche Liebessprache sprechen Sie?
Die 5 Sprachen der Liebe nach Gary Chapman - Was sind nochmal die anderen 4...?
Congratulations! Today you explored the love language " Quality Time " - according to American relationship counselor Gary Chapman, one of the five characteristic ways we humans express our affection.
Are you familiar with the other four love languages? And would you like to add more of the five love languages to your portfolio? Then you'll find the relevant articles here:
- Love language: >> Words of Affirmation explained
- Love language: >> Physical touch explained
- Love language: >> Receiving gifts explained
- Love language: >> Acts of Service explained
Have fun!
Yours sincerely, Dr. Judith Gastner
☝🏻 Related articles on the topic of "Love language: togetherness"
Frequently Asked Questions
What does the love language of togetherness mean in a relationship?
Quality time in a relationship means that both partners spend exclusive time together, fully connecting and experiencing intimacy. People whose love language is quality time (according to Gary Chapman) especially appreciate it when their partner isn't easily distracted during this time together (e.g., having their phone turned off).
What constitutes the love language of togetherness?
For most people with this love language, fulfilling togetherness (“quality time” in Gary Chapman’s English original) includes regular conversations in a calm atmosphere, genuine interest in the partner’s thoughts and feelings, emotional support and closeness, as well as the pursuit of shared hobbies and interests.
How much closeness is good for a relationship?
A healthy relationship needs both enough space for individual development (e.g., to pursue personal interests and friendships) and sufficient closeness and time together as a couple (to strengthen the sense of togetherness and keep the love alive). Both are equally important for a balanced, equal relationship.
How can you strengthen togetherness in a relationship?
To strengthen the bond in a relationship, both partners should consciously set aside time for each other on a regular basis. Before such "quality time," the likelihood of interruptions and distractions should be minimized as much as possible (e.g., turning off cell phones). Attentive listening, enjoyable activities, and loving interactions strengthen the relationship.
Do couples need shared hobbies?
Shared hobbies have the advantage of allowing you to spend time with your partner while also pursuing personal interests. However, they are not a prerequisite for a happy relationship. Interest in each other's thoughts and feelings, and treating each other with respect, are the most important ingredients for a good partnership.
