{"id":65965,"date":"2022-04-03T13:54:58","date_gmt":"2022-04-03T11:54:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/"},"modified":"2026-05-05T07:37:47","modified_gmt":"2026-05-05T05:37:47","slug":"mental-load","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/mental-load\/","title":{"rendered":"No more mental load! Here&#8217;s how to achieve a fair division of labor in your partnership."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span data-tcb-events=\"\"><img alt='Standard Blog-Post' src='https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6a4c6b6669af197cf3ed4086bb9bc3968c59737b7f53282f91990b1d0adc7740?s=256&#038;d=https%3A%2F%2Fb3247eyo-a.myrdbx.io%2Fwp-content%2Fplugins%2Fthrive-visual-editor%2Feditor%2Fcss%2Fimages%2Fauthor_image.png&#038;r=g' srcset='https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/6a4c6b6669af197cf3ed4086bb9bc3968c59737b7f53282f91990b1d0adc7740?s=512&#038;d=https%3A%2F%2Fb3247eyo-a.myrdbx.io%2Fwp-content%2Fplugins%2Fthrive-visual-editor%2Feditor%2Fcss%2Fimages%2Fauthor_image.png&#038;r=g 2x' class='avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo tve_image' height='256' width='256'  data-d-f=\"author\" title=\"Standard Blog-Post\" width=\"500\" height=\"500\" loading='lazy' decoding='async'\/><\/span><span data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_author_name\" data-shortcode-name=\"Author name\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-attr-link=\"1\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-attr-static-link=\"{&quot;className&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/author\/jgastner\/&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Dr. Judith Gastner&quot;,&quot;data-css&quot;:&quot;tve-u-192dfc2f3cb&quot;,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-attr-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cb\" style=\"text-decoration: none;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/author\/jgastner\/\" title=\"Dr. Judith Gastner\">Dr. Judith Gastner<\/a><\/span><span style=\"\">Paartherapeutin und Psychotherapeutin<\/span><span style=\"\">Category:<\/span><span data-attr-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c1\" data-attr-link=\"1\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-attr-static-link=\"{&quot;className&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/category\/beziehungskrise\/&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Relationship crisis&quot;,&quot;data-css&quot;:&quot;tve-u-192dfc2f3c1&quot;,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_categories\" data-shortcode-name=\"List of categories\" style=\"\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/beziehungskrise\/\" title=\"Beziehungskrise\">Beziehungskrise<\/a><\/span><span>Article last updated on <span data-attr-date-format=\"j. F Y\" data-attr-date-format-select=\"custom\" data-attr-link=\"0\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-attr-show-time=\"0\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-attr-time-format=\"\" data-attr-time-format-select=\"g:i a\" data-attr-type=\"modified\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_published_date\" data-shortcode-name=\"Post date\">12. Dezember 2025 <\/span><\/span><strong><span style=\"\">Quality assurance<\/span><\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/prof-dr-ludwig-schindler\/\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-lt-tmp-id=\"lt-645688\" spellcheck=\"false\"><span>Prof. Dr. Dr. Ludwig Schindler<\/span><\/a><span style=\"\">Share this article \ud83d\udc47\ud83c\udffb<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/wa.me\/?text=https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a><a href=\"mailto:?subject=Schluss mit Mental Load!&amp;body=Ich habe diesen interessanten Artikel gefunden: https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/t.me\/share\/url?url=https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/&amp;text=Ich habe diesen interessanten Artikel gefunden:\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/&amp;text=Ich habe diesen interessanten Artikel gefunden:\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a><a href=\"#\" target=\"_blank\"><\/a>[tcb-script]document.addEventListener(&#8220;DOMContentLoaded&#8221;, function() {    const copyLinks = document.querySelectorAll(&#8220;.copy-link&#8221;);    copyLinks.forEach(link =&gt; {        link.addEventListener(&#8220;click&#8221;, function(event) {            event.preventDefault();            const textToCopy = &#8220;https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/&#8221;;            navigator.clipboard.writeText(textToCopy).then(function() {                alert(&#8220;Link wurde in die Zwischenablage kopiert!&#8221;);            }).catch(function(error) {                alert(&#8220;Fehler beim Kopieren des Links: &#8221; + error);            });        });    });});[\/tcb-script]<span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a couple with 6 arms holding many objects and overwhelmed by everyday tasks\" data-id=\"59341\" data-init-width=\"800\" data-init-height=\"260\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/Artikel-Header-Mental-Load.jpg\" data-width=\"734\" data-height=\"238\" width=\"734\" height=\"238\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 800 \/ 260;\" title=\"Overview Mental Load Overload Relationship\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><em><em>Balancing the numerous needs, interests, obligations, and desires of all family members requires an incredible amount of effort. Anyone who doesn&#8217;t want their relationship to break down one day due to an unfair division of labor should definitely delve deeper into the topic of &#8216;mental load&#8217;.<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"59982\" width=\"30\" data-init-width=\"150\" height=\"30\" data-init-height=\"150\" title=\"PaarBalance Divider Icon\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/PaarBalance-Divider-Icon.png\" data-width=\"30\" data-height=\"30\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 150 \/ 150;\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>\u261d\ud83c\udffb Quick start: No more mental load &#8211; fair work distribution&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><strong><strong>What is mental load?&nbsp;<\/strong><\/strong> Constantly having to think about everything \u2013 from doctor&#8217;s appointments to household chores. Mental load describes the invisible, emotional burden that usually falls on one person in a relationship.<a href=\"#tve-jump-1928274813f\" style=\"outline: none;\"> Learn more here. \u2193<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><strong><strong>Fair division of labor is key<\/strong> :<\/strong> Discuss tasks together and distribute them fairly! Create clarity to avoid misunderstandings and frustration.<a href=\"#tve-jump-192827549df\" style=\"outline: none;\"> Read more about fair division of labor here. \u2193<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"\"><span style=\"\"><strong><strong>Avoid spirals of blame<\/strong> :<\/strong> Accusations and arguments rarely lead to solutions. Learn how to approach conflicts constructively and work together towards a common goal.<a href=\"#tve-jump-19282763dde\" style=\"outline: none;\"> Find tips from our couples therapists here. \u2193<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"59982\" width=\"30\" data-init-width=\"150\" height=\"30\" data-init-height=\"150\" title=\"PaarBalance Divider Icon\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/PaarBalance-Divider-Icon.png\" data-width=\"30\" data-height=\"30\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 150 \/ 150;\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Oops, <strong>we&#8217;re out of toilet paper<\/strong> ! And we only have one roll of kitchen paper left in the house.<\/p>\n<p>The washed <strong>laundry<\/strong> has been damp in the drum since yesterday &#8211; it urgently needs to be hung up.<\/p>\n<p>Another message in the football WhatsApp group! Jonas&#8217; (child 1) <strong>tournament has been moved forward to tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.?! Wow. That&#8217;s early. And we&#8217;re also responsible for <\/strong><strong>driving<\/strong> ! Max and Lasse will need to be picked up around 7:15, otherwise we won&#8217;t make it on time. I still need to <strong>let the other parents know<\/strong> .<\/p>\n<p>Damn! Jonas was already complaining last week that his <strong>football boots were pinching<\/strong> . Not good at all for a 5-hour tournament. Who was it again whose older child recently quit playing football? I absolutely have to find out somehow. I&#8217;ll ask about the boots there first, otherwise we&#8217;ll have to <strong>buy new ones<\/strong> today .<\/p>\n<p>Sophia&#8217;s (child 2) <strong>fever<\/strong> still hasn&#8217;t completely gone away. It would be a shame to drag her to <strong>the sports shop like this. Would it be possible to ask Mrs. Sabatin ( <\/strong><strong>our neighbor<\/strong> ) to stay with her for an hour if necessary? I should probably check with her to make sure she even has time.<\/p>\n<p>By the time Markus (the husband) gets home, it will be too late to go <strong>shopping . On the other hand, the fever has now lasted longer than three days. Perhaps we should try to get an appointment with Dr. Henrichs ( <\/strong><strong>the pediatrician<\/strong> ) before the weekend ?<\/p>\n<p>Oh \u2013 and <strong>what are we going to eat<\/strong> for dinner tonight? There&#8217;s not enough time to <strong>cook<\/strong> . We&#8217;ll at least have to quickly buy some bread.<\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>Does this kind of mental merry-go-round sound familiar? \ud83d\ude42 <br \/>Then you&#8217;ve come to the right place!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\ud83d\ude80 Already <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">65,511 people<\/span> have gained clarity through the test.<\/p>\n<p><strong>This, or something very similar, is what countless parents \u2013 especially almost every mother \u2013 experience in their minds, like the inner dialogues listed above.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The specific content of <em>what<\/em> needs to be done naturally varies from family to family and from day to day. However, almost everyone can attest to the fact that this invisible, internal to-do list is immensely long and often gets even longer as it&#8217;s worked through (because the original plan doesn&#8217;t work out, because something unexpected happens, etc.).<\/p>\n<p><strong>To make &#8216;family life work&#8217; and to reconcile the numerous obligations, needs, interests and wishes of all family members, an incredible amount needs to be <em>done<\/em> :<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>There&#8217;s so much to <em>think about<\/em> . So much <em>to do<\/em> . <br \/>And that&#8217;s <em>every single day<\/em> .<\/p>\n<p><strong>Should we always make the numerous decisions that need to be made every day <em>together<\/em> ?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>How can the burden of this extensive mental and practical work be fairly distributed between both partners (and, if there are older children, the whole family)? So that no one has to be more aware of everything than the others? So that no one person feels like they are solely responsible for everything?<\/p>\n<p><strong>What a beautiful ideal! \ud83d\ude42<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>However, most couples feel that they fail time and time again precisely because of this.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It is not uncommon for persistent dissatisfaction to develop over time. As a result, tempers flare more quickly, arguments increase (see also our article &#8221; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/staendiger-streit-in-der-beziehung\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Constant Arguments in Your Relationship? Here&#8217;s What You Should Know!<\/a> &#8220;) and at least one partner increasingly suffers from the phenomenon often referred to today as &#8220;mental load&#8221;.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851696\"><strong>What exactly does the term &#8220;mental load&#8221; mean?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a man who has fallen asleep in an armchair and a woman sitting next to each other in a chair\" data-id=\"49098\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Beziehung-ist-eingeschlafen.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Mental Load Definition and Explanation\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>&#8220;Mental load&#8221; refers to the ongoing mental strain caused by the complex organization of numerous everyday tasks.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>This includes in particular all those planning and coordination processes that are often overlooked by others &#8211; especially one&#8217;s own partner &#8211; or dismissed as &#8220;trifles&#8221;, but which are absolutely essential for everyday life in families to function reasonably smoothly.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Keeping things running smoothly \u2013 for <em>everyone<\/em> involved (yourself, your partner, the children, possibly parents or in-laws, etc.) \u2013 requires an enormous amount of coordination. And there&#8217;s no real break during which all the balls that need to be juggled simultaneously can simply be put down.<\/p>\n<p>At least one of the partners (usually the women and mothers in the family system) has the impression that without their presence &#8216;nothing would work anymore&#8217; and that they cannot allow themselves any time off &#8211; no matter how urgently such a break might be needed in between.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The biggest problem is this: when one&#8217;s own extensive investments in time and emotion, made for the family system, are not seen and appreciated by the person who is most important to oneself, then \u2013 understandably \u2013 growing resentment arises.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Someone who already feels chronically stressed will have less and less desire to automatically take on and silently complete all the pending tasks. The ongoing mental burden increasingly transforms into stress, frustration, and anger.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851697\"><strong>Book recommendation: &#8220;Out of the Mental Load Trap: How to Achieve Fair Division of Labor&#8221; by Patricia Cammarata<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>As a working mother, the psychologist and author Patricia Cammarata was personally very familiar with the phenomenon of &#8216;Mental Load&#8217; &#8211; she herself suffered from chronic &#8216;Mental Load&#8217; long before she associated this term with her feeling of being constantly exhausted and running on fumes.<\/p>\n<p>In her book &#8220;Out of the Mental Load Trap,&#8221; the author therefore delves deeply into the topic of &#8216;mental load&#8217; and <em>true<\/em> equality. Patricia Cammarata explains vividly and humorously which mechanisms and role stereotypes govern the dynamics in romantic relationships.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The bestselling author clearly describes what is needed for a truly fair division of labor and gives pragmatic yet nuanced tips on how couples can permanently escape the &#8216;mental load trap&#8217;.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851698\"><strong>The ideal material for a mental load misunderstanding &#8211; An example<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"The couple discusses stressful everyday situations in the background, such as lack of money and cooking.\" data-id=\"49125\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Staendiger-Streit-in-der-Beziehung-Ausloeser-fuer-Streit.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Everyday stress as a trigger for relationship stress\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>As a classic example of a typical mental load misunderstanding, which countless mothers and fathers have likely experienced many times in one form or another, the author Patricia Cammarata cites the invitation of one&#8217;s own child to a children&#8217;s birthday party.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>An outsider (or often the partner) may not give such an event too much thought &#8211; they may simply be happy that the child is apparently popular and has been invited to a party again.<\/p>\n<p>However, according to Patricia Cammarata, a great deal of mental thinking and implementation work must first be done in advance so that the child can actually accept the invitation:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">The <strong>schoolbag needs to be <\/strong><strong>checked<\/strong> regularly so that the parents even notice when an invitation card tumbles out of the pile of papers.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\">The <strong>family calendar<\/strong> needs to be checked to see if the child has time for the birthday party on that day.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong>It may be necessary to cancel<\/strong> the sports course or <strong>postpone another appointment<\/strong> that would have taken place or was planned for the same time.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Arrangements need to be made for how the child <strong>will get to the celebration<\/strong> and back <strong>home<\/strong> .<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">If the child is being picked up directly from kindergarten\/school by the birthday child&#8217;s parents, a <strong>power of attorney<\/strong> may need to be issued.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">On the relevant day, this authorization must be placed in the schoolbag in such a way that the <strong>child remembers to hand it in<\/strong> .<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong>A gift<\/strong> for the birthday child needs to be <strong>considered<\/strong> (making sure it is not the same gift as last year).<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Ideally, you should <strong>coordinate your gift idea with other parents<\/strong> to avoid having multiple birthday guests bring the same present.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong>A decision<em><\/em><\/strong> needs to be made <strong><em>about where<\/em><\/strong><strong> to buy the gift<\/strong> .<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong>The gift<\/strong> must be purchased <strong><em>in good time<\/em><\/strong> .<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Make sure there is enough <strong>wrapping paper at home<\/strong> .<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">The gift needs to be <strong>wrapped<\/strong> .<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Depending on the type of birthday party, <strong>appropriate clothing<\/strong> (possibly a change of clothes) must be considered.<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Patricia Cammarata knows: In the vast majority of families, it is the women and mothers who perform this invisible work day after day, quite naturally, for their children and thus for the whole family:<\/p>\n<p>The topic of &#8220;children&#8217;s birthday party invitations&#8221; is automatically added to the mother&#8217;s already overflowing mental to-do list. From the invitation itself to the party day, everything necessary is kept in mind: the individual tasks are prepared, implemented, or delegated in a timely manner.<\/p>\n<p>Taken individually, the individual things that need to be considered in this example are not particularly complex. Checking off each item usually only takes a few minutes. \u2013 And yet, the entire &#8216;list&#8217; of preparations is relatively long \u2013 and it takes a lot of work (an hour? two hours? three hours?) until such a seemingly small additional &#8216;agenda item&#8217; (for just <em>one<\/em> family member) actually runs smoothly in everyday family life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So far, so good. But where exactly does the promised mental load <em>misunderstanding<\/em> lie ?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The author Patricia Cammarata sums it up as follows: &#8220;If the father is sent to get the gift, he believes <em>he<\/em> has taken care of the matter because he doesn&#8217;t see the entire process. This can lead to arguments. He doesn&#8217;t understand that the mother has already done much more behind the scenes than he has.&#8221;<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851699\"><strong>Who has what on their mind? What is needed for a fair division of labor?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of an overwhelmed man sitting at a desk in front of screens and papers.\" data-id=\"49100\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Was-braucht-es-fuer-eine-gerechte-Arbeitsteilung.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Division of labor in the relationship\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>At the latest when &#8220;two have become three&#8221;, i.e., when a couple has become a family (and this applies to all family models &#8211; male-female, female-female and male constellations alike), it is important that mothers and fathers repeatedly and calmly address the topic of &#8220;responsibilities&#8221; and &#8220;danger of mental load&#8221; in the life of the new family system and find answers together to the most important questions:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Do we feel we are managing everyday life well as a couple\/family? Are we able to balance work, household chores, caregiving, childcare, etc.?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Do we experience the division of labor in our family as (mostly) fair overall?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">If not: Who feels overworked? By what? Since when?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Who is currently responsible for what?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">What tasks do we encounter on &#8216;normal&#8217; days in our &#8216;everyday&#8217; life?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">What additional tasks and preparations are required or eliminated on weekends or during holidays?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">When something unexpected comes up: Are we able to quickly and fairly divide such new tasks among the family?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Does everyone see what the other person contributes (or only their own)?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Do both &#8216;parties&#8217; (men &lt;-&gt; women, fathers &lt;-&gt; mothers, the one who spends more time at home &lt;-&gt; the one who spends more time away from home) know what else the other person has on their mind &#8211; besides their <em>professional<\/em> work &#8211; experiencing as an invisible burden, juggling things internally?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Are there tasks that are easier (or harder) for one family member than another? Is this (at least to some extent) taken into account in our family&#8217;s division of labor?<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>Important: These questions about a fair distribution of all pending tasks cannot be answered &#8216;once and for all&#8217;.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Depending on the age of the children, the respective individual challenges (at work, in the extended family, health-related, etc.), the perceived burden and the overall life situation, it is necessary to renegotiate at regular intervals who continues to do what or wants to &#8216;pass on&#8217; and which division of labor in the family feels as fair as possible for all family members.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851700\"><strong>&#8220;Now finally take responsibility!&#8221;<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a woman standing annoyed in front of her husband, who is sitting in a chair watching television.\" data-id=\"48892\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Ungluecklich-in-Beziehung-Die-haeufigsten-Gruende.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Most common reasons for an unhappy relationship\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><em>Responsibility<\/em> can quickly become a trigger word in a partnership.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>When someone is frustrated because their partner hasn&#8217;t taken care of things like booking a trip, doing the dishes, scheduling the child&#8217;s doctor&#8217;s appointment, calling the property management company, or canceling the mother-in-law&#8217;s visit as expected, the phrase &#8220;You never take responsibility!&#8221; is often heard.<\/p>\n<p><strong>This immediately puts the other person on the defensive.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Instead of taking the criticism or the underlying request to heart, he involuntarily argues against it and lists the kinds of responsibilities that already weigh heavily on his shoulders.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851701\"><strong>Discuss the division of tasks! Create a list together.<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of an angry ghost with the words &quot;Everyday Life&quot; and &quot;Everyday Tasks&quot; written on them as storm clouds.\" data-id=\"49102\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Alltag.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Everyday life as a trigger for relationship arguments\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>For family life to thrive and for everyone involved to feel comfortable in the long run, a jointly created overview of the most important areas of responsibility (type of work, duties, areas of accountability, etc.) is often very enlightening for many couples. Before getting into the details, it makes sense to first create a rough list for your own (family) life:<\/p>\n<p><strong>Home &amp; Garden \/ Finances<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Household chores (cleaning, washing, tidying up, etc.)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Care (animals; balcony \/ garden \/ plants)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Repairs \/ Organization of tradespeople<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Property management \/ Landlord \/ Tenant<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Purchases \/ Decluttering<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Overview of Finances<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Insurance<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">tax return<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">&#8230;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>All about the next generation:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Catering \/ Supplies (shopping; meal preparation; lunch boxes; snacks)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Childcare \/ Leisure activities (afternoons \/ weekends \/ holidays)<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Health \/ Personal Care Children<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Errands \/ Purchases \/ Decluttering<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Kindergarten and school<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Birthdays and celebrations<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Parent taxi<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">&#8216;Deals&#8217; \/ &#8216;Negotiations&#8217;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">&#8230;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>Social contacts:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Cultivating friendships<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Agreements with other parents<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Contact with family members \/ neighborhood services<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li style=\"\">\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">&#8230;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>Even with such a brief list, it quickly becomes clear how many &#8216;areas&#8217; there are that parents need to keep an eye on.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The respective main points can be gradually filled with more detailed content and \u2013 as in the example above &#8220;Child is invited to a birthday party&#8221; \u2013 broken down into very specific individual steps.<\/p>\n<p>When analyzing multiple tasks in detail, symbols can make it easier to keep track, such as:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong><em>Traffic light colors<\/em><\/strong> (green-yellow-red):<br \/>&#8220;This takes little \/ medium \/ a lot of time&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong><em>Arrows<\/em><\/strong> (up-side-down):<br \/>&#8220;This needs to be done very frequently \/ occasionally \/ rarely&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong><em>Smileys<\/em><\/strong> (smiling-neutral-sad):<br \/>&#8220;I usually find this easy \/ medium \/ difficult&#8221;<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>In any case, it is important that all those involved realize that taking responsibility does not just mean <em>carrying something out, but rather feeling &#8216; <\/em><em>responsible<\/em> &#8216; for it overall .<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><strong><\/strong>If only one person sees themselves as a manager who has to keep track of concerns and distribute tasks on time, then the mental work is still not fairly regulated.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851702\"><strong>The <em>mental load<\/em> trap: Why do arguments happen so often?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Illustration of a screaming couple and ghosts with the word &quot;Overwhelmed&quot; written on them.\" data-id=\"49117\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Staendiger-Streit-in-der-Beziehung-Ueberforderung.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Constant arguments in the relationship\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Everyday life, with its many challenges, has us all firmly in its grip. When there&#8217;s hardly any time for rest and everyone feels chronically overworked, nerves can quickly become frayed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>However, we often forget that in a romantic relationship \u2013 despite all the soulmates \u2013 two very different people meet.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Everyone brings their own family history and personal background. Ideas about what constitutes <em>order<\/em> and <em>chaos<\/em> can vary greatly, as can assessments of what is <em>best<\/em> for the children. It&#8217;s not enough to have only vaguely discussed such differences once.<\/p>\n<p>(You might also like to read our article &#8221; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/wie-beziehungen-funktionieren\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">How relationships work &#8211; The biggest myths debunked<\/a> &#8220;.)<\/p>\n<h3 id=\"t-1693162851704\"><strong>Clear agreements prevent conflicts.<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of a couple on a couch talking about better understanding in their relationship.\" data-id=\"49104\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-mehr-Verstaendnis-durch-klare-Absprachen.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Better communication in relationships\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>If you fail to make clear agreements in a timely manner, dissatisfaction quickly arises<\/strong> , for example, because your partner has once again not tidied the kitchen as you would have liked. The anger is swallowed time and again to avoid spoiling the mood \u2013 and so it happens that both partners repeatedly find themselves in awkward situations.<\/p>\n<p>Then, when one day the refrigerator is empty and the trash can is full again, the situation suddenly boils over and unconstructive accusations are made, such as:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Why do I <em>always have to do <\/em><em>everything<\/em> ?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Why don&#8217;t you <em>ever<\/em> take care of <em>anything<\/em> ?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Why is nobody doing the <em>dirty work here <\/em><em>except me<\/em> ?&#8221;<em><\/em><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851705\"><strong>How do I avoid the cycle of blame?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a couple arguing and throwing arguments back and forth in the form of thought bubbles\" data-id=\"49105\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Vorwurfsspirale.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Accusations in the relationship\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Therefore, you should tackle sensitive topics like &#8216;division of tasks&#8217; and &#8216;what do I need to feel (more) comfortable&#8217; regularly during relaxed times \u2013 over a cup of coffee or a walk. This takes some effort at first: <em>We&#8217;re having such a nice breakfast together, why spoil the mood with the thorny issue of cleaning and shopping?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>But if you manage to talk about it in a positive way, Sunday can actually go very well. For example, if someone says, <em>&#8220;I&#8217;d really appreciate it if you vacuumed once a week. That would be a huge help!&#8221;,<\/em> it sounds different than if they complain, <em>&#8220;It looks awful in here again because you just don&#8217;t give a damn whether we&#8217;re suffocating in the dirt.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>If I focus on myself and my needs, the likelihood that the other person will respond to them is much higher.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851706\"><strong>There is no good relationship without tolerance and compromise.<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A couple lies in the grass, considering how to overcome a relationship crisis.\" data-id=\"49914\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Beziehungskrise-meistern-Veraenderung.jpeg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Overcoming a relationship crisis\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>There is no good relationship without tolerance. Tolerance begins precisely where, for example, a moment of regret arises and I, looking into the dishwasher, think \u2013 once again \u2013 &#8220;Can&#8217;t you just do it the same way (smartly and sensibly&#8230; ;-)) as I would?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><strong>But \u2013 quite simply: The partner is <em>different because he <\/em><em>is<\/em> different . <\/strong><br \/><strong>And: He only comes as <em>a complete package<\/em> .<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>If someone else doesn&#8217;t arrange the cutlery as meticulously as I do, or if they haven&#8217;t tidied up properly<\/em> again , it doesn&#8217;t mean they&#8217;re trying to spite me or annoy me. They probably just have a very different internal standard for structure and order. Perhaps some things aren&#8217;t as important to them personally \u2013 and that&#8217;s why they keep forgetting to put away the newspaper or hang up the laundry.<\/p>\n<p>The crucial point is that this should under no circumstances be considered <em>mere<\/em> negligence.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, that doesn&#8217;t mean the topic can&#8217;t be brought up again: &#8220;I hope we can find a new solution. Maybe we could try some kind of shared living arrangement or consider whether we could afford a housekeeper every now and then. What do you think?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Learn more in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/kompromisse-in-der-beziehung\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">this article<\/a> about how you can achieve <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/kompromisse-in-der-beziehung\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">the best compromises using 6 specific strategies<\/a> .&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h3 id=\"t-1685442240614\"><strong>&#8220;If you really loved me, then you would know (&#8230;)&#8221;<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of five communication rules written in black on a board\" data-id=\"55157\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"768\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"432\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/beziehungsprobleme-richtige-kommunikation.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 768 \/ 432;\" title=\"Effective communication in relationship problems\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Sometimes the accusation is made: &#8220;If you really loved me, you would know how important this is to me, and then I wouldn&#8217;t have to constantly remind you.&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s destructive communication. In this case, I&#8217;m implying a lack of love and willingness to help. If I want to avoid escalation, I should stay calm and choose a phrase like: &#8221; <em>I don&#8217;t think you&#8217;ve really grasped <u>how<\/u> incredibly good it makes me feel when our dining table is clear. I absolutely love having this &#8216;oasis of order&#8217; at our house. Please try to remember to put the books and newspapers away every now and then.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>(You might also like to read our article &#8221; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/staendiger-streit-in-der-beziehung\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Constant arguments in your relationship? Here&#8217;s what you should know!<\/a> &#8220;)<\/p>\n<p><strong>The most beautiful way we can positively influence people is by doing good things for them<\/strong> \u2013 whether it&#8217;s our partner, a friend, or our daughter. This automatically increases their willingness to negotiate.<\/p>\n<p>If I&#8217;m feeling frustrated that my partner isn&#8217;t doing enough around the house, I could say something like, &#8221; <em>You do such a great job organizing the kids&#8217; sports events and taking care of all our tax paperwork. That&#8217;s a huge help. You know what else would be a massive help right now? If you could do the Saturday grocery shopping for the next few weeks. Then I wouldn&#8217;t always start the weekend so stressed out<\/em> .&#8221;<\/p>\n<p><strong>When our contributions are seen and appreciated, we are much more willing to fulfill the requests of others.<\/strong> If something positive has been said or done for us, we are very likely to feel the desire to give something back.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851707\"><strong>Do couples with children have more conflicts about responsibilities?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of an overwhelmed mother with 3 children\" data-id=\"49108\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Kinder.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Mental load with children, relationship crisis\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Every couple has disagreements about tasks and responsibilities. With children, the potential for conflict increases.<\/p>\n<p><strong>70 percent of couples experience turbulence when their first child is born, because then the cards are completely reshuffled.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It takes a lot of patience and clear agreements until the new life feels right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Of course, arguing about childcare is much more emotional than arguing about vacuuming or buying a new coffee machine.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Each partner wants to give the children the best \u2013 but ideas about <em>what<\/em> is best will never completely agree.<\/p>\n<p>Couples should agree early on what they want <em>to pass on<\/em> to their children .<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What is important to me?<\/li>\n<li>What do I consider sensible?<\/li>\n<li>How about you?<\/li>\n<li>How do we get together?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707470\"><strong>Prevent heated arguments<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of a couple pushing away a devil with the word &quot;Argument&quot; written on it with their hands.\" data-id=\"49109\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Nein-zu-Streit-sagen.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"No to arguments in a partnership\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>When strong emotions are involved, a conversation can quickly escalate.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If your pulse rises above one hundred, you should definitely stop talking. Too much inner turmoil destroys any constructive exchange.<\/p>\n<p>Couples should agree on emergency exits (for example, a &#8216;yellow&#8217; or &#8216;red card&#8217; or other symbols). Or they could announce that, if necessary, they will leave the room to minimize the damage while postponing the conversation: <em>Let&#8217;s continue talking tomorrow.<\/em><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707471\"><strong>Always having to be the one who has to keep track of everything? \u2013 One of the main causes of mental load.<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of an angry housewife standing in front of the stove cooking while her husband lazily reads the newspaper.\" data-id=\"49110\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Ursache-alles-im-Blick-haben-muessen.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Causes of Mental Load Division of Labor\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Many women complain that, unlike men, they bear the main burden for the daily structure of the entire family and have to keep track of all family appointments<\/strong> \u2013 and that their partner, even if he participates in the household or plays with the children, does not take any overall responsibility for this.<\/p>\n<p>If this is (generally) the case: How can this dilemma be solved?<\/p>\n<p>The division of responsibilities in this area has usually increased among couples with children. When a baby is born, the mother is generally still the most important caregiver. She goes to the first check-ups. She attends the playgroup. She takes care of the registration deadlines for suitable daycare centers. This creates a division of roles in the lives of many men and women that quickly becomes entrenched.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s why it&#8217;s good to keep talking \u2013 before things become too one-sided in the long run. Discussing the most important things in small chunks is much easier than prolonged silence, eventually exploding, and leaving your partner completely bewildered.<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707472\"><strong>The illusion of objective justice<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Illustration of a couple performing arm wrestling on a table to represent justice\" data-id=\"49111\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Gerechtigkeit.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Justice and equality partnership\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>An <em>objectively<\/em> fair and permanent distribution of all tasks within a dynamic family system? &#8211; It will never exist!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>However, one can regularly question the existing division of responsibilities and repeatedly try to assign newly arising tasks as fairly as possible according to the respective strengths, inclinations and the current subjective workload level of all those involved:<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;I&#8217;m currently taking care of pretty much everything \u2013 doctor&#8217;s appointments, daycare, and homework. I would be incredibly grateful if you could take care of the garden independently for a while and accompany the children to sports practice on weekends. Does that work for you?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Many couples have found a family calendar on the refrigerator to be very useful. It has several columns side by side where all important dates, plans, and to-dos can be entered for each family member \u2013 there can also be a separate column for family time or for exclusive events for the couple.<\/p>\n<p>This way everyone has a good overview of who is doing what and when, and whether there are also regular exciting projects that everyone can look forward to.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The crucial thing, as I said, is to keep the lines of communication open. Regularly review agreements that have been made. Change anything that no longer makes sense.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You can also ritualize these conversations, for example, by lingering a little longer at Sunday breakfast to discuss what&#8217;s on the agenda for the coming week. Staying on top of things is important \u2013 and of course, a dose of humor, like: &#8220;Who&#8217;s going to get the most awful to-do card for next week?&#8221; (like, for example, conducting the parent-teacher meeting with the math teacher who&#8217;s totally fed up with our fidgety fifth-grader).<\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707473\"><strong>Test: How strong is your relationship?<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>If you would like to know how your partnership functions in terms of give and take, sense of togetherness and role distribution, feel free to use our scientifically developed partnership test (free of charge).<\/p>\n<p>If you haven&#8217;t taken the test yet and we haven&#8217;t been able to create a (free) relationship profile for you: It takes about 10 minutes to take a step back and analyze your love life.<\/p>\n<p>Gain a well-informed overview of your resources and challenges as a couple by answering the following questions:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">Take your relationship test now! (free)<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>How is your relationship? <br \/>What are your strengths and weaknesses?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Flyer from PaarBalance Online Coaching with personal relationship profile for relationship problems\" data-id=\"53041\" data-init-width=\"1000\" data-init-height=\"1000\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/beziehungsprofil.webp\" data-width=\"212\" data-height=\"212\" width=\"212\" height=\"212\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 1000 \/ 1000;\" title=\"Relationship profile Relationship test\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>You will find out immediately afterwards in your personal PaarBalance relationship profile (free).<\/p>\n<p><strong>Start your relationship test now!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"\">\u2713 Scientifically sound <br \/>\u2713 Includes detailed analysis <br \/>\u2713 Your data will not be shared <br \/>\u2713 100% free &amp; non-binding<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">100% secure. We comply with data protection regulations. Registration for the relationship test is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">free<\/span> . <br \/>Please read this important information beforehand: <br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/datenschutzerklaerung\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">Data Protection<\/a> &nbsp;\u1427 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/agb\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">Terms and Conditions<\/a> &nbsp;\u1427 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/allgemeine-informationsvertragsbedingungen\/\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">General Information Agreement Terms and Conditions<\/a> &nbsp;. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Transparenzerklaerung.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"outline: none;\">Transparency Statement<\/a><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"\" id=\"t-1693058012268\"><strong>Leave the mental load trap behind! This is how you become a strong team.<\/strong><\/h2>\n<p>Immediately afterwards you will receive (free of charge) detailed feedback on the various aspects of your partnership.<\/p>\n<p>Using traffic light colors, you can quickly see where potential dangers lurk and where you as a couple might be much stronger than you thought. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<p><span><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Illustration of how parents dream of having superpowers for more balance between family and relationship\" data-id=\"49112\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Problem-Mental-Load-geloest.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" title=\"Everyday problems, mental load\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/p>\n<p>If you wish, you can start with the Couple Balance coaching immediately afterwards: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/online-coaching\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">www.paarbalance.de\/online-coaching<\/a><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>PaarBalance can help you with this:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>To make your partnership a source of joy again and to regain your former connection &#8211; despite the daily grind.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The CoupleBalance program can be optimally integrated into the turbulent everyday life and can be completed entirely independently by one partner.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>We wish you much success and enjoyment and all the best for you and your relationship!<\/p>\n<p>Yours sincerely, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/dr-judith-gastner\/\" style=\"outline: none;\">Dr. Judith Gastner<\/a> &amp; the entire PaarBalance team<\/p>\n<p style=\"\"><strong>\u261d\ud83c\udffb <span>Related articles on the topic of <\/span><strong><span>&nbsp;&#8220;No More Mental Load&#8221;<\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/mental-load\/\" dynamic-postlink=\"tcb_post_the_permalink\" data-shortcode-id=\"55927\"><\/a><\/p>\n<h4 id=\"t-1726662858576\" style=\"\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><span data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_title\" data-shortcode-name=\"Post title\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-attr-link=\"1\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-attr-static-link=\"{&quot;className&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/emotionale-sicherheit\/&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Emotional security: Why it\u2019s so important for romantic relationships&quot;}\" data-attr-css=\"\" style=\"\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/mental-load\/\" title=\"No more mental load! Here\u2019s how to achieve a fair division of labor in your partnership.\" data-css=\"\">No more mental load! Here\u2019s how to achieve a fair division of labor in your partnership.<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/h4>\n<p>Balancing the numerous needs, obligations, and desires of all family members requires an incredible amount of effort. Prevent your relationship from being jeopardized by an unfair division of labor.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/mental-load\/#more-65965\"><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Balancing the numerous needs, obligations, and desires of all family members requires an incredible amount of effort. Prevent your relationship from being jeopardized by an unfair division of labor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":67978,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":"","tve_updated_post":"<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns tcb-tablet-hidden\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 532;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d3\" data-class=\"tcb-tablet-hidden\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 m-edit tcb-medium-no-wrap tcb--cols--2 tcb-mobile-wrap\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d2\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3ce\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c5\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c6\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cf\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tcb-post-author-picture tcb-dynamic-field-source\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3bf\" data-type=\"\" style=\"\" data-tcb-events=\"\">\n<span class=\"tve_image_frame\" data-tcb-events=\"\">\n[tcb_dynamic_field type=\"author\" alt=\"Standard Blog-Post\" title=\"Standard Blog-Post\" loading=\"lazy\" data-classes=\"avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo avatar avatar-256 photo tve_image\" data-css=\"tve-u-1896f9468f0\"]\n<\/span>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c3\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c9\" style=\"text-align: left;\"><span class=\"thrive-shortcode-content\" data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_author_name\" data-shortcode-name=\"Author name\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-attr-link=\"1\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-attr-static-link=\"{&quot;className&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/author\/jgastner\/&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Dr. Judith Gastner&quot;,&quot;data-css&quot;:&quot;tve-u-192dfc2f3cb&quot;,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-attr-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cb\" style=\"text-decoration: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3ca\">[tcb_post_author_name link='1' target='0' rel='0' inline='1' static-link='{\"className\":\"\",\"href\":\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/author\/jgastner\/\",\"title\":\"Dr. Judith Gastner\",\"data-css\":\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cb\",\"class\":\"\"}' css='tve-u-192dfc2f3cb' link-css-attr=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cb\"]<\/span><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c0\" style=\"text-align: left;\"><span style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-189b8212a78\">[pb_autor_info]<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-divider\" data-style-d=\"tve_sep-1\" data-thickness-d=\"2\" data-color-d=\"rgb(255, 255, 255)\" data-gradient-d=\"linear-gradient(90deg, rgb(66, 66, 66) 0%, rgb(0, 0, 0) 100%)\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d6\" style=\"\">\n\t<hr class=\"tve_sep tve_sep-1\" style=\"\">\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d5\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d1\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d0\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c2\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cd\" style=\"text-align: left;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-191bd379194\" style=\"\">Category:<\/span>\n<span class=\"thrive-shortcode-content\" data-attr-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c1\" data-attr-link=\"1\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-attr-static-link=\"{&quot;className&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/category\/beziehungskrise\/&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Relationship crisis&quot;,&quot;data-css&quot;:&quot;tve-u-192dfc2f3c1&quot;,&quot;class&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_categories\" data-shortcode-name=\"List of categories\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c8\">[tcb_post_categories css='tve-u-192dfc2f3c1' link='1' rel='0' static-link='{\"className\":\"\",\"href\":\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/category\/beziehungskrise\/\",\"title\":\"Relationship crisis\",\"data-css\":\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c1\",\"class\":\"\"}' target='0' inline='1' link-css-attr=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c1\"]<\/span><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c2\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c7\" style=\"text-align: left;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-191bd379194\">Article last updated on <span class=\"thrive-shortcode-content\" data-attr-date-format=\"j. F Y\" data-attr-date-format-select=\"custom\" data-attr-link=\"0\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-attr-show-time=\"0\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-attr-time-format=\"\" data-attr-time-format-select=\"g:i a\" data-attr-type=\"modified\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_published_date\" data-shortcode-name=\"Post date\">[tcb_post_published_date date-format='j. F Y' date-format-select='custom' link='0' rel='0' show-time='0' target='0' time-format='' time-format-select='g:i a' type='modified' inline='1']<\/span><\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-divider\" data-style-d=\"tve_sep-1\" data-thickness-d=\"2\" data-color-d=\"rgb(255, 255, 255)\" data-gradient-d=\"linear-gradient(90deg, rgb(66, 66, 66) 0%, rgb(0, 0, 0) 100%)\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d7\" style=\"\">\n\t<hr class=\"tve_sep tve_sep-1\" style=\"\">\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns tcb-tablet-hidden\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 532;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac7\" data-class=\"tcb-tablet-hidden\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 m-edit tcb-mobile-wrap tcb-medium-no-wrap tcb--cols--2\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30adc\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ae0\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ade\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 258.5;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac1\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb-resized tcb--cols--2 tcb-mobile-no-wrap m-edit\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac3\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abf\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac4\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abd\" style=\"\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abc\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abe\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abb\" style=\"\" data-style-d=\"circle_inverted\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-check-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M173.898 439.404l-166.4-166.4c-9.997-9.997-9.997-26.206 0-36.204l36.203-36.204c9.997-9.998 26.207-9.998 36.204 0L192 312.69 432.095 72.596c9.997-9.997 26.207-9.997 36.204 0l36.203 36.204c9.997 9.997 9.997 26.206 0 36.204l-294.4 294.401c-9.998 9.997-26.207 9.997-36.204-.001z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac0\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac5\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad6\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30adb\" style=\"text-align: left;\"><strong><span data-css=\"tve-u-192df4855f7\" style=\"\">Quality assurance<\/span><\/strong><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac2\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30aba\" style=\"text-align: left;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/prof-dr-ludwig-schindler\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-lt-tmp-id=\"lt-645688\" spellcheck=\"false\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-189b8212a78\">Prof. Dr. Dr. Ludwig Schindler<\/span><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30aca\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac6\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acb\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac9\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-divider tcb-desktop-hidden tcb-tablet-hidden\" data-style-d=\"tve_sep-1\" data-thickness-d=\"3\" data-color-d=\"rgb(66, 66, 66)\" data-gradient-d=\"linear-gradient(90deg, rgb(66, 66, 66) 0%, rgb(0, 0, 0) 100%)\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ae2\" data-thickness-m=\"2\" data-color-m=\"rgb(255, 255, 255)\" style=\"\">\n\t<hr class=\"tve_sep tve_sep-1\" style=\"\">\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30adf\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac8\" style=\"text-align: left;\"><span data-css=\"tve-u-191bd379194\" style=\"\">Share this article \ud83d\udc47\ud83c\udffb<\/span><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 119.25; max-width: 50%; --tve-applied-max-width: 50% !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad3\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--5 tcb-resized tcb-mobile-no-wrap m-edit\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acd\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ace\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wa.me\/?text=https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/\" target=\"_blank\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acc\" style=\"\" 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13.9 10.7-1.6 32.8-13.4 37.4-26.4 4.6-13 4.6-24.1 3.2-26.4-1.3-2.5-5-3.9-10.5-6.6z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acf\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ace\"><a href=\"mailto:?subject=Schluss mit Mental Load!&amp;body=Ich habe diesen interessanten Artikel gefunden: https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/\" target=\"_blank\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ada\" style=\"\" data-tcb_hover_state_parent=\"\" data-link-wrap=\"true\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" data-id=\"icon-email-send-solid\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M13 17H17V14L22 18.5L17 23V20H13V17M20 4H4A2 2 0 0 0 2 6V18A2 2 0 0 0 4 20H11.35A5.8 5.8 0 0 1 11 18A6 6 0 0 1 22 14.69V6A2 2 0 0 0 20 4M20 8L12 13L4 8V6L12 11L20 6Z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><div 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class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ace\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?url=https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/&amp;text=Ich habe diesen interessanten Artikel gefunden:\" target=\"_blank\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad8\" style=\"\" data-tcb_hover_state_parent=\"\" data-link-wrap=\"true\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-x-twitter-brands\" data-name=\"\" style=\"\"><path d=\"M389.2 48h70.6L305.6 224.2 487 464H345L233.7 318.6 106.5 464H35.8L200.7 275.5 26.8 48H172.4L272.9 180.9 389.2 48zM364.4 421.8h39.1L151.1 88h-42L364.4 421.8z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad1\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ace\"><a href=\"#\" target=\"_blank\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tcb-icon-display 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13.41,9.17Z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_custom_html_shortcode\" data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30add\" style=\"\"><code class=\"tve_js_placeholder\">[tcb-script]\ndocument.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\", function() {\n    const copyLinks = document.querySelectorAll(\".copy-link\");\n    copyLinks.forEach(link =&gt; {\n        link.addEventListener(\"click\", function(event) {\n            event.preventDefault();\n            const textToCopy = \"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/mental-load\/\";\n            navigator.clipboard.writeText(textToCopy).then(function() {\n                alert(\"Link wurde in die Zwischenablage kopiert!\");\n            }).catch(function(error) {\n                alert(\"Fehler beim Kopieren des Links: \" + error);\n            });\n        });\n    });\n});\n[\/tcb-script]<\/code><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d30ed687\" style=\"--tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; width: 100%;\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-59341\" data-id=\"59341\" data-init-width=\"800\" data-init-height=\"260\" title=\"Artikel-Header-Mental-Load\" data-width=\"558\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 800 \/ 260;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b7130a0ef\" data-height=\"181\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a couple with 6 arms holding many objects and overwhelmed by everyday tasks\" data-id=\"59341\" data-init-width=\"800\" data-init-height=\"260\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/Artikel-Header-Mental-Load.jpg\" data-width=\"734\" data-css=\"tve-u-18b7130a0ef\" data-height=\"238\" width=\"734\" height=\"238\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 800 \/ 260;\" class=\"wp-image-59341\" title=\"Overview Mental Load Overload Relationship\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><p class=\"thrv_wrapper wp-caption-text thrv-inline-text\" style=\"text-align: center;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d30ed689\"><em><em><em>Balancing the numerous needs, interests, obligations, and desires of all family members requires an incredible amount of effort. Anyone who doesn't want their relationship to break down one day due to an unfair division of labor should definitely delve deeper into the topic of 'mental load'.<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826db80a\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image wp-image-59982\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"59982\" width=\"30\" data-init-width=\"150\" height=\"30\" data-init-height=\"150\" title=\"PaarBalance Divider Icon\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/PaarBalance-Divider-Icon.png\" data-width=\"30\" data-height=\"30\" data-css=\"tve-u-1920f68b05b\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 150 \/ 150;\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e1e\" style=\"\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"--tve-border-width: 0px; border: none !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e1d\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\">\t<p style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e1f\"><strong>\u261d\ud83c\udffb Quick start: No more mental load - fair work distribution&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-styled_list tcb-icon-display\" data-icon-code=\"icon-angle-right-solid\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e21\" style=\"\"><ul class=\"tcb-styled-list\"><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e22\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e29\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 256 512\" data-id=\"icon-angle-right-solid\" data-name=\"\"><path d=\"M224.3 273l-136 136c-9.4 9.4-24.6 9.4-33.9 0l-22.6-22.6c-9.4-9.4-9.4-24.6 0-33.9l96.4-96.4-96.4-96.4c-9.4-9.4-9.4-24.6 0-33.9L54.3 103c9.4-9.4 24.6-9.4 33.9 0l136 136c9.5 9.4 9.5 24.6.1 34z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e23\" style=\"\"><strong><strong>What is mental load?&nbsp;<\/strong><\/strong> Constantly having to think about everything \u2013 from doctor's appointments to household chores. Mental load describes the invisible, emotional burden that usually falls on one person in a relationship.<a href=\"#tve-jump-1928274813f\" class=\"tve-jump-scroll\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-1928274a276\"> Learn more here. \u2193<\/a><\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e22\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e29\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 256 512\" data-id=\"icon-angle-right-solid\" data-name=\"\"><path d=\"M224.3 273l-136 136c-9.4 9.4-24.6 9.4-33.9 0l-22.6-22.6c-9.4-9.4-9.4-24.6 0-33.9l96.4-96.4-96.4-96.4c-9.4-9.4-9.4-24.6 0-33.9L54.3 103c9.4-9.4 24.6-9.4 33.9 0l136 136c9.5 9.4 9.5 24.6.1 34z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e23\" style=\"\"><strong><strong>Fair division of labor is key<\/strong> :<\/strong> Discuss tasks together and distribute them fairly! Create clarity to avoid misunderstandings and frustration.<a href=\"#tve-jump-192827549df\" class=\"tve-jump-scroll\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19282757395\"> Read more about fair division of labor here. \u2193<\/a><\/span><\/li><li class=\"thrv-styled-list-item\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e22\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-styled-list-icon\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tcb-no-delete tcb-no-clone tcb-no-save tcb-icon-inherit-style\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e29\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon tcb-local-vars-root\" viewBox=\"0 0 256 512\" data-id=\"icon-angle-right-solid\" data-name=\"\"><path d=\"M224.3 273l-136 136c-9.4 9.4-24.6 9.4-33.9 0l-22.6-22.6c-9.4-9.4-9.4-24.6 0-33.9l96.4-96.4-96.4-96.4c-9.4-9.4-9.4-24.6 0-33.9L54.3 103c9.4-9.4 24.6-9.4 33.9 0l136 136c9.5 9.4 9.5 24.6.1 34z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div><\/div><span class=\"thrv-advanced-inline-text tve_editable tcb-styled-list-icon-text tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e23\" style=\"\"><strong><strong>Avoid spirals of blame<\/strong> :<\/strong> Accusations and arguments rarely lead to solutions. Learn how to approach conflicts constructively and work together towards a common goal.<a href=\"#tve-jump-19282763dde\" class=\"tve-jump-scroll\" style=\"outline: none;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192827652f9\"> Find tips from our couples therapists here. \u2193<\/a><\/span><\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826db80a\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image wp-image-59982\" alt=\"\" data-id=\"59982\" width=\"30\" data-init-width=\"150\" height=\"30\" data-init-height=\"150\" title=\"PaarBalance Divider Icon\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/PaarBalance-Divider-Icon.png\" data-width=\"30\" data-height=\"30\" data-css=\"tve-u-1920f68b05b\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 150 \/ 150;\" loading=\"lazy\"><\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>Oops, <strong>we're out of toilet paper<\/strong> ! And we only have one roll of kitchen paper left in the house.<\/p><p>The washed <strong>laundry<\/strong> has been damp in the drum since yesterday - it urgently needs to be hung up.<\/p><p>Another message in the football WhatsApp group! Jonas' (child 1) <strong>tournament has been moved forward to tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.?! Wow. That's early. And we're also responsible for <\/strong><strong>driving<\/strong> ! Max and Lasse will need to be picked up around 7:15, otherwise we won't make it on time. I still need to <strong>let the other parents know<\/strong> .<\/p><p>Damn! Jonas was already complaining last week that his <strong>football boots were pinching<\/strong> . Not good at all for a 5-hour tournament. Who was it again whose older child recently quit playing football? I absolutely have to find out somehow. I'll ask about the boots there first, otherwise we'll have to <strong>buy new ones<\/strong> today .<\/p><p>Sophia's (child 2) <strong>fever<\/strong> still hasn't completely gone away. It would be a shame to drag her to <strong>the sports shop like this. Would it be possible to ask Mrs. Sabatin ( <\/strong><strong>our neighbor<\/strong> ) to stay with her for an hour if necessary? I should probably check with her to make sure she even has time.<\/p><p>By the time Markus (the husband) gets home, it will be too late to go <strong>shopping . On the other hand, the fever has now lasted longer than three days. Perhaps we should try to get an appointment with Dr. Henrichs ( <\/strong><strong>the pediatrician<\/strong> ) before the weekend ?<\/p><p>Oh \u2013 and <strong>what are we going to eat<\/strong> for dinner tonight? There's not enough time to <strong>cook<\/strong> . We'll at least have to quickly buy some bread.<\/p><p style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d364a4be\"><strong>Does this kind of mental merry-go-round sound familiar? :-) <br>Then you've come to the right place!<\/strong><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc tve-elem-scroll tve-toc-expandable show-icon tcb-icon-display tcb-local-vars-root\" data-columns=\"1\" data-ct=\"toc-60692\" data-transition=\"fade\" data-headers=\"h2\" data-numbering=\"advanced\" data-highlight=\"progressive\" data-ct-name=\"Table of Contents 11\" data-heading-style=\"{&quot;0&quot;:&quot;tve-u-191d89c7398&quot;,&quot;1&quot;:&quot;tve-u-191d89c7396&quot;,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;tve-u-191d89c7389&quot;}\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738a\" data-state-default=\"collapsed\" data-bullet-style=\"{&quot;0&quot;:&quot;tve-u-66bb3813415186&quot;,&quot;1&quot;:&quot;tve-u-66bb3813415199&quot;,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;tve-u-66bb38134151a6&quot;}\" data-number-style=\"{&quot;0&quot;:&quot;tve-u-191d89c7392&quot;,&quot;1&quot;:&quot;tve-u-191d89c7393&quot;,&quot;2&quot;:&quot;tve-u-191d89c7394&quot;}\" data-animation=\"slide\" data-state-default-d=\"expanded\" data-columns-d=\"1\" data-state-default-m=\"collapsed\" data-element-name=\"Table of Contents\" data-form-settings=\"__TCB_FORM__{&quot;form_identifier&quot;:&quot;clone-of-typisches-verhalten-nach-fremdgehen-so-entlarven-sie-untreue-partner-form-66bb38&quot;}__TCB_FORM__\" data-number-suffix=\"{&quot;0&quot;:&quot;.&quot;}\" data-styled-scrollbar=\"0\" data-id=\"mos776uf\"><div class=\"thrive-colors-palette-config\" style=\"display: none !important\">__CONFIG_colors_palette__{\"active_palette\":0,\"config\":{\"colors\":{\"a027f\":{\"name\":\"Main Accent\",\"parent\":-1},\"21e68\":{\"name\":\"Main Accent Light\",\"parent\":\"a027f\",\"lock\":{\"lightness\":1}},\"f1170\":{\"name\":\"Main Accent Transparent\",\"parent\":\"\",\"lock\":{\"lightness\":1}}},\"gradients\":[]},\"palettes\":[{\"name\":\"Default\",\"value\":{\"colors\":{\"a027f\":{\"val\":\"rgba(0, 93, 255, 0.05)\"},\"21e68\":{\"val\":\"rgb(184, 211, 255)\",\"hsl_parent_dependency\":{\"h\":217,\"l\":0.86,\"s\":1.03}},\"f1170\":{\"val\":\"rgba(65, 178, 233, 0.7)\"}},\"gradients\":[]},\"original\":{\"colors\":{\"a027f\":{\"val\":\"rgb(65, 178, 233)\",\"hsl\":{\"h\":199,\"s\":0.79,\"l\":0.58,\"a\":1}},\"21e68\":{\"val\":\"rgb(193, 231, 249)\",\"hsl_parent_dependency\":{\"h\":199,\"s\":0.82,\"l\":0.86,\"a\":1}},\"f1170\":{\"val\":\"rgba(65, 178, 233, 0.7)\"}},\"gradients\":[]}}]}__CONFIG_colors_palette__<\/div><svg class=\"toc-icons\" style=\"position: absolute; width: 0; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><symbol id=\"toc-bullet-0-mos776uf\" viewBox=\"0 0 320 512\" data-id=\"icon-chevron-right-solid\"><path d=\"M285.476 272.971L91.132 467.314c-9.373 9.373-24.569 9.373-33.941 0l-22.667-22.667c-9.357-9.357-9.375-24.522-.04-33.901L188.505 256 34.484 101.255c-9.335-9.379-9.317-24.544.04-33.901l22.667-22.667c9.373-9.373 24.569-9.373 33.941 0L285.475 239.03c9.373 9.372 9.373 24.568.001 33.941z\"><\/path><\/symbol><symbol id=\"toc-bullet-1-mos776uf\" viewBox=\"0 0 320 512\" data-id=\"icon-chevron-right-solid\"><path d=\"M285.476 272.971L91.132 467.314c-9.373 9.373-24.569 9.373-33.941 0l-22.667-22.667c-9.357-9.357-9.375-24.522-.04-33.901L188.505 256 34.484 101.255c-9.335-9.379-9.317-24.544.04-33.901l22.667-22.667c9.373-9.373 24.569-9.373 33.941 0L285.475 239.03c9.373 9.372 9.373 24.568.001 33.941z\"><\/path><\/symbol><symbol id=\"toc-bullet-2-mos776uf\" viewBox=\"0 0 320 512\" data-id=\"icon-chevron-right-solid\"><path d=\"M285.476 272.971L91.132 467.314c-9.373 9.373-24.569 9.373-33.941 0l-22.667-22.667c-9.357-9.357-9.375-24.522-.04-33.901L188.505 256 34.484 101.255c-9.335-9.379-9.317-24.544.04-33.901l22.667-22.667c9.373-9.373 24.569-9.373 33.941 0L285.475 239.03c9.373 9.372 9.373 24.568.001 33.941z\"><\/path><\/symbol><\/svg><div class=\"tve-toc-divider\" style=\"position: absolute; width: 0; height: 0; overflow: hidden;\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-divider tve-vert-divider\" data-style=\"tve_sep-1\" data-color-d=\"rgb(217, 217, 217)\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7391\" data-style-d=\"tve_sep-4\" data-thickness-d=\"2\"><hr class=\"tve_sep tve_sep-4\" style=\"\"><\/div><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"--tve-border-width: 0px; border: none !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738b\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-title reverse show-icon tve-no-dropzone tcb-icon-display tve-prevent-content-edit\" style=\"border-top-left-radius: 10px !important; border-top-right-radius: 10px !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\" data-tcb_hover_state_parent=\"\"><div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"tve-toc-title-icon\" data-icon-code=\"icon-angle-down-solid\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon\" viewBox=\"0 0 320 512\" data-id=\"icon-angle-down-solid\" data-name=\"\"><path d=\"M143 352.3L7 216.3c-9.4-9.4-9.4-24.6 0-33.9l22.6-22.6c9.4-9.4 24.6-9.4 33.9 0l96.4 96.4 96.4-96.4c9.4-9.4 24.6-9.4 33.9 0l22.6 22.6c9.4 9.4 9.4 24.6 0 33.9l-136 136c-9.2 9.4-24.4 9.4-33.8 0z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div>\n<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element tve_no_icons\" style=\"overflow: hidden; border-radius: 0px !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7397\"><div class=\"tcb-plain-text\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7390\">Table of Contents<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><div class=\"tve-cb tve-toc-content tve-prevent-content-edit\">\n<div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-list tcb-no-delete tcb-no-save tcb-no-clone tve-no-dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738e\" style=\"\" data-styled-scrollbar=\"0\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738f\" style=\"\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"tve_ct_content tve_clearfix\"><div class=\"ct_column\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851696\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">1.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851696\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">What exactly does the term \"mental load\" mean?<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851697\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">2.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851697\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Book recommendation: \"Out of the Mental Load Trap: How to Achieve Fair Division of Labor\" by Patricia Cammarata<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851698\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">3.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851698\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">The ideal material for a mental load misunderstanding - An example<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851699\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">4.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851699\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Who has what on their mind? What is needed for a fair division of labor?<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851700\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">5.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851700\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">\"Now finally take responsibility!\"<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851701\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">6.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851701\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Discuss the division of tasks! Create a list together.<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851702\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">7.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851702\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">The mental load trap: Why do arguments happen so often?<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851705\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">8.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851705\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">How do I avoid the cycle of blame?<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851706\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">9.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851706\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">There is no good relationship without tolerance and compromise.<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693162851707\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">10.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693162851707\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Do couples with children have more conflicts about responsibilities?<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1701693707470\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">11.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1701693707470\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Prevent heated arguments<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1701693707471\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">12.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1701693707471\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Always having to be the one who has to keep track of everything? \u2013 One of the main causes of mental load.<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1701693707472\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">13.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1701693707472\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">The illusion of objective justice<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1701693707473\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">14.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1701693707473\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Test: How strong is your relationship?<\/a><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-heading tve-toc-heading-level0 tve_no_icons\" data-tag=\"H2\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\" data-element-name=\"Heading Level 1\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve-toc-number tve-toc-number0 tve_no_icons tve-jump-scroll\" data-target=\"#t-1693058012268\" jump-animation=\"smooth\" data-element-name=\"Number Level 1\" data-level=\"0\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"><span class=\"tve-toc-disabled\">15.<\/span><\/div><a href=\"#t-1693058012268\" class=\"tve-toc-anchor tve-jump-scroll\" jump-animation=\"smooth\">Leave the mental load trap behind! This is how you become a strong team.<\/a><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-divider tve-vert-divider\" data-style=\"tve_sep-1\" data-color-d=\"rgb(217, 217, 217)\" data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7391\" data-style-d=\"tve_sep-4\" data-thickness-d=\"2\"><hr class=\"tve_sep tve_sep-4\" style=\"\"><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-page-section tve-height-update tcb-window-width tcb-desktop-hidden tcb-tablet-hidden\" data-tve-scroll=\"{&quot;disabled&quot;:[&quot;desktop&quot;,&quot;tablet&quot;],&quot;top&quot;:0,&quot;mode&quot;:&quot;sticky&quot;,&quot;end&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;stickyPosition&quot;:&quot;bottom&quot;}\" data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad66b\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-out\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad667\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-page-section-in tve_empty_dropzone\" data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad666\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-button thrv-button-v2 tcb-local-vars-root tve_ea_thrive_lightbox\" data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad662\" data-button-size-m=\"s\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"thrive-colors-palette-config\" style=\"display: none !important\">__CONFIG_colors_palette__{\"active_palette\":0,\"config\":{\"colors\":{\"62516\":{\"name\":\"Main Accent\",\"parent\":-1}},\"gradients\":[]},\"palettes\":[{\"name\":\"Default Palette\",\"value\":{\"colors\":{\"62516\":{\"val\":\"var(--tcb-color-0)\"}},\"gradients\":[]}}]}__CONFIG_colors_palette__<\/div>\n<a href=\"\" class=\"tcb-button-link tcb-plain-text tve_evt_manager_listen tve_et_click\" style=\"\" rel=\"\" data-tcb-events=\"__TCB_EVENT_[{&quot;config&quot;:{&quot;l_anim&quot;:&quot;instant&quot;,&quot;l_id&quot;:&quot;65132&quot;},&quot;a&quot;:&quot;thrive_lightbox&quot;,&quot;t&quot;:&quot;click&quot;}]_TNEVE_BCT__\"><span class=\"tcb-button-icon\">\n\t<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tve_no_icons tcb-icon-inherit-style\">\n\t<svg data-name=\"credit-card\" class=\"tcb-icon\" version=\"1.1\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" x=\"0px\" y=\"0px\" viewBox=\"0 0 18 14\" xml:space=\"preserve\" preserveAspectRatio=\"none slice\">\n\t\t<g>\n\t\t\t<path d=\"M17.5,1.9v10.6c0,0.8-0.6,1.4-1.4,1.4h-14c-0.8,0-1.4-0.6-1.4-1.4V1.9c0-0.8,0.6-1.4,1.4-1.4h14 C16.9,0.5,17.5,1.1,17.5,1.9z M1.9,1.9v2h14.5v-2c0-0.1-0.1-0.3-0.3-0.3h-14C2,1.6,1.9,1.7,1.9,1.9z M16.4,12.5V7.2H1.9v5.3 c0,0.1,0.1,0.3,0.3,0.3h14C16.3,12.8,16.4,12.6,16.4,12.5z M3,10.5h2.2v1.1H3V10.5z M6.3,10.5h3.4v1.1H6.3V10.5z\"><\/path>\n\t\t<\/g>\n\t<\/svg>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/span>\n\n<span class=\"tcb-button-texts\"><span class=\"tcb-button-text thrv-inline-text\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad665\">Analyze your relationship now! <\/span><span class=\"tcb-secondary-text thrv-inline-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad664\" style=\"\">Free relationship test | 10 minutes<\/span><\/span>\n<\/a>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad669\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad668\" style=\"text-align: center;\">\ud83d\ude80 Already <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">65,511 people<\/span> have gained clarity through the test.<\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>This, or something very similar, is what countless parents \u2013 especially almost every mother \u2013 experience in their minds, like the inner dialogues listed above.<\/strong><\/p><p>The specific content of <em>what<\/em> needs to be done naturally varies from family to family and from day to day. However, almost everyone can attest to the fact that this invisible, internal to-do list is immensely long and often gets even longer as it's worked through (because the original plan doesn't work out, because something unexpected happens, etc.).<\/p><p><strong>To make 'family life work' and to reconcile the numerous obligations, needs, interests and wishes of all family members, an incredible amount needs to be <em>done<\/em> :<\/strong><\/p><p>There's so much to <em>think about<\/em> . So much <em>to do<\/em> . <br>And that's <em>every single day<\/em> .<\/p><p><strong>Should we always make the numerous decisions that need to be made every day <em>together<\/em> ?<\/strong><\/p><p>How can the burden of this extensive mental and practical work be fairly distributed between both partners (and, if there are older children, the whole family)? So that no one has to be more aware of everything than the others? So that no one person feels like they are solely responsible for everything?<\/p><p><strong>What a beautiful ideal! :-)<\/strong><\/p><p><strong>However, most couples feel that they fail time and time again precisely because of this.<\/strong><\/p><p>It is not uncommon for persistent dissatisfaction to develop over time. As a result, tempers flare more quickly, arguments increase (see also our article \" <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/staendiger-streit-in-der-beziehung\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Constant Arguments in Your Relationship? Here's What You Should Know!<\/a> \") and at least one partner increasingly suffers from the phenomenon often referred to today as \"mental load\".<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\" id=\"tve-jump-1928274813f\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851696\"><strong>What exactly does the term \"mental load\" mean?<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a386078f2\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49098\" data-id=\"49098\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Mental Load Definition and Explanation\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192bac3e6de\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a man who has fallen asleep in an armchair and a woman sitting next to each other in a chair\" data-id=\"49098\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Beziehung-ist-eingeschlafen.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e38bcf\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49098\" title=\"Mental Load Definition and Explanation\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>\"Mental load\" refers to the ongoing mental strain caused by the complex organization of numerous everyday tasks.<\/strong><\/p><p><strong>This includes in particular all those planning and coordination processes that are often overlooked by others - especially one's own partner - or dismissed as \"trifles\", but which are absolutely essential for everyday life in families to function reasonably smoothly.<\/strong><\/p><p>Keeping things running smoothly \u2013 for <em>everyone<\/em> involved (yourself, your partner, the children, possibly parents or in-laws, etc.) \u2013 requires an enormous amount of coordination. And there's no real break during which all the balls that need to be juggled simultaneously can simply be put down.<\/p><p>At least one of the partners (usually the women and mothers in the family system) has the impression that without their presence 'nothing would work anymore' and that they cannot allow themselves any time off - no matter how urgently such a break might be needed in between.<\/p><p><strong>The biggest problem is this: when one's own extensive investments in time and emotion, made for the family system, are not seen and appreciated by the person who is most important to oneself, then \u2013 understandably \u2013 growing resentment arises.<\/strong><\/p><p>Someone who already feels chronically stressed will have less and less desire to automatically take on and silently complete all the pending tasks. The ongoing mental burden increasingly transforms into stress, frustration, and anger.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851697\"><strong>Book recommendation: \"Out of the Mental Load Trap: How to Achieve Fair Division of Labor\" by Patricia Cammarata<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>As a working mother, the psychologist and author Patricia Cammarata was personally very familiar with the phenomenon of 'Mental Load' - she herself suffered from chronic 'Mental Load' long before she associated this term with her feeling of being constantly exhausted and running on fumes.<\/p><p>In her book \"Out of the Mental Load Trap,\" the author therefore delves deeply into the topic of 'mental load' and <em>true<\/em> equality. Patricia Cammarata explains vividly and humorously which mechanisms and role stereotypes govern the dynamics in romantic relationships.<\/p><p><strong>The bestselling author clearly describes what is needed for a truly fair division of labor and gives pragmatic yet nuanced tips on how couples can permanently escape the 'mental load trap'.<\/strong><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851698\"><strong>The ideal material for a mental load misunderstanding - An example<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a38628ca2\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49101\" data-id=\"49101\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"There are many external triggers for increased mental load.\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192d04934ff\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"The couple discusses stressful everyday situations in the background, such as lack of money and cooking.\" data-id=\"49125\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Staendiger-Streit-in-der-Beziehung-Ausloeser-fuer-Streit.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e3ac82\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49125\" title=\"Everyday stress as a trigger for relationship stress\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>As a classic example of a typical mental load misunderstanding, which countless mothers and fathers have likely experienced many times in one form or another, the author Patricia Cammarata cites the invitation of one's own child to a children's birthday party.<\/strong><\/p><p>An outsider (or often the partner) may not give such an event too much thought - they may simply be happy that the child is apparently popular and has been invited to a party again.<\/p><p>However, according to Patricia Cammarata, a great deal of mental thinking and implementation work must first be done in advance so that the child can actually accept the invitation:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a40598868\">The <strong>schoolbag needs to be <\/strong><strong>checked<\/strong> regularly so that the parents even notice when an invitation card tumbles out of the pile of papers.<\/p><\/li><li style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059886b\"><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\">The <strong>family calendar<\/strong> needs to be checked to see if the child has time for the birthday party on that day.<\/p><\/li><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918d\"><strong>It may be necessary to cancel<\/strong> the sports course or <strong>postpone another appointment<\/strong> that would have taken place or was planned for the same time.<\/p><\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\">Arrangements need to be made for how the child <strong>will get to the celebration<\/strong> and back <strong>home<\/strong> .<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">If the child is being picked up directly from kindergarten\/school by the birthday child's parents, a <strong>power of attorney<\/strong> may need to be issued.<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">On the relevant day, this authorization must be placed in the schoolbag in such a way that the <strong>child remembers to hand it in<\/strong> .<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong>A gift<\/strong> for the birthday child needs to be <strong>considered<\/strong> (making sure it is not the same gift as last year).<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Ideally, you should <strong>coordinate your gift idea with other parents<\/strong> to avoid having multiple birthday guests bring the same present.<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong>A decision<em><\/em><\/strong> needs to be made <strong><em>about where<\/em><\/strong><strong> to buy the gift<\/strong> .<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\"><strong>The gift<\/strong> must be purchased <strong><em>in good time<\/em><\/strong> .<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Make sure there is enough <strong>wrapping paper at home<\/strong> .<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a40599c35\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">The gift needs to be <strong>wrapped<\/strong> .<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059918f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a4059fae1\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Depending on the type of birthday party, <strong>appropriate clothing<\/strong> (possibly a change of clothes) must be considered.<\/p><\/li><\/ul><p>Patricia Cammarata knows: In the vast majority of families, it is the women and mothers who perform this invisible work day after day, quite naturally, for their children and thus for the whole family:<\/p><p>The topic of \"children's birthday party invitations\" is automatically added to the mother's already overflowing mental to-do list. From the invitation itself to the party day, everything necessary is kept in mind: the individual tasks are prepared, implemented, or delegated in a timely manner.<\/p><p>Taken individually, the individual things that need to be considered in this example are not particularly complex. Checking off each item usually only takes a few minutes. \u2013 And yet, the entire 'list' of preparations is relatively long \u2013 and it takes a lot of work (an hour? two hours? three hours?) until such a seemingly small additional 'agenda item' (for just <em>one<\/em> family member) actually runs smoothly in everyday family life.<\/p><p><strong>So far, so good. But where exactly does the promised mental load <em>misunderstanding<\/em> lie ?<\/strong><\/p><p>The author Patricia Cammarata sums it up as follows: \"If the father is sent to get the gift, he believes <em>he<\/em> has taken care of the matter because he doesn't see the entire process. This can lead to arguments. He doesn't understand that the mother has already done much more behind the scenes than he has.\"<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\" id=\"tve-jump-192827549df\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851699\"><strong>Who has what on their mind? What is needed for a fair division of labor?<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a386365f8\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49100\" data-id=\"49100\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Mental Load: What is needed for a fair division of labor?\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192bac66ad8\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of an overwhelmed man sitting at a desk in front of screens and papers.\" data-id=\"49100\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Was-braucht-es-fuer-eine-gerechte-Arbeitsteilung.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e3b2ed\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49100\" title=\"Division of labor in the relationship\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>At the latest when \"two have become three\", i.e., when a couple has become a family (and this applies to all family models - male-female, female-female and male constellations alike), it is important that mothers and fathers repeatedly and calmly address the topic of \"responsibilities\" and \"danger of mental load\" in the life of the new family system and find answers together to the most important questions:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0d\">Do we feel we are managing everyday life well as a couple\/family? Are we able to balance work, household chores, caregiving, childcare, etc.?<\/p><\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\">Do we experience the division of labor in our family as (mostly) fair overall?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">If not: Who feels overworked? By what? Since when?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Who is currently responsible for what?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">What tasks do we encounter on 'normal' days in our 'everyday' life?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">What additional tasks and preparations are required or eliminated on weekends or during holidays?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">When something unexpected comes up: Are we able to quickly and fairly divide such new tasks among the family?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Does everyone see what the other person contributes (or only their own)?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a3397\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Do both 'parties' (men &lt;-&gt; women, fathers &lt;-&gt; mothers, the one who spends more time at home &lt;-&gt; the one who spends more time away from home) know what else the other person has on their mind - besides their <em>professional<\/em> work - experiencing as an invisible burden, juggling things internally?<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a2b0f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a72e2\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Are there tasks that are easier (or harder) for one family member than another? Is this (at least to some extent) taken into account in our family's division of labor?<\/p><\/li><\/ul><p style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405a72e5\"><strong>Important: These questions about a fair distribution of all pending tasks cannot be answered 'once and for all'.<\/strong><\/p><p>Depending on the age of the children, the respective individual challenges (at work, in the extended family, health-related, etc.), the perceived burden and the overall life situation, it is necessary to renegotiate at regular intervals who continues to do what or wants to 'pass on' and which division of labor in the family feels as fair as possible for all family members.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851700\"><strong>\"Now finally take responsibility!\"<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a38640acc\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49099\" data-id=\"49099\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Mental Load: An Example\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192d04b46f1\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a woman standing annoyed in front of her husband, who is sitting in a chair watching television.\" data-id=\"48892\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Ungluecklich-in-Beziehung-Die-haeufigsten-Gruende.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e3d2fa\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-48892\" title=\"Most common reasons for an unhappy relationship\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong><em>Responsibility<\/em> can quickly become a trigger word in a partnership.<\/strong><\/p><p>When someone is frustrated because their partner hasn't taken care of things like booking a trip, doing the dishes, scheduling the child's doctor's appointment, calling the property management company, or canceling the mother-in-law's visit as expected, the phrase \"You never take responsibility!\" is often heard.<\/p><p><strong>This immediately puts the other person on the defensive.<\/strong><\/p><p>Instead of taking the criticism or the underlying request to heart, he involuntarily argues against it and lists the kinds of responsibilities that already weigh heavily on his shoulders.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851701\"><strong>Discuss the division of tasks! Create a list together.<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a38665abf\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49102\" data-id=\"49102\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Everyday life \u2013 a trigger for too much mental load\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192d2125214\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of an angry ghost with the words &quot;Everyday Life&quot; and &quot;Everyday Tasks&quot; written on them as storm clouds.\" data-id=\"49102\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Alltag.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e3dcc0\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49102\" title=\"Everyday life as a trigger for relationship arguments\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>For family life to thrive and for everyone involved to feel comfortable in the long run, a jointly created overview of the most important areas of responsibility (type of work, duties, areas of accountability, etc.) is often very enlightening for many couples. Before getting into the details, it makes sense to first create a rough list for your own (family) life:<\/p><p><strong>Home &amp; Garden \/ Finances<\/strong><\/p><ul class=\"\"><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11c\">Household chores (cleaning, washing, tidying up, etc.)<\/p><\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ab2a2\">Care (animals; balcony \/ garden \/ plants)<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ab2a2\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Repairs \/ Organization of tradespeople<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ab2a2\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Property management \/ Landlord \/ Tenant<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ab2a2\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Purchases \/ Decluttering<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ab2a2\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Overview of Finances<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ab2a2\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Insurance<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ab2a2\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">tax return<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aa11e\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aef2b\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">...<\/p><\/li><\/ul><p style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405aef2e\"><strong>All about the next generation:<\/strong><\/p><ul class=\"\"><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2d\">Catering \/ Supplies (shopping; meal preparation; lunch boxes; snacks)<\/p><\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b056b\">Childcare \/ Leisure activities (afternoons \/ weekends \/ holidays)<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b056b\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Health \/ Personal Care Children<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b056b\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Errands \/ Purchases \/ Decluttering<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b056b\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Kindergarten and school<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b056b\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Birthdays and celebrations<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b056b\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Parent taxi<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b056b\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">'Deals' \/ 'Negotiations'<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405afb2f\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b3bb8\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">...<\/p><\/li><\/ul><p style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b3bbb\"><strong>Social contacts:<\/strong><\/p><ul class=\"\"><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b4816\">Cultivating friendships<\/p><\/li><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b4818\" style=\"\"><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b55e7\">Agreements with other parents<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b4818\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b55e7\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">Contact with family members \/ neighborhood services<\/p><\/li><p><\/p><li data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b4818\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b8cb9\" data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\">...<\/p><\/li><\/ul><p style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405b8cbc\"><strong>Even with such a brief list, it quickly becomes clear how many 'areas' there are that parents need to keep an eye on.<\/strong><\/p><p>The respective main points can be gradually filled with more detailed content and \u2013 as in the example above \"Child is invited to a birthday party\" \u2013 broken down into very specific individual steps.<\/p><p>When analyzing multiple tasks in detail, symbols can make it easier to keep track, such as:<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ba29b\"><strong><em>Traffic light colors<\/em><\/strong> (green-yellow-red):<br>\"This takes little \/ medium \/ a lot of time\"<\/p><\/li><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405ba29d\"><strong><em>Arrows<\/em><\/strong> (up-side-down):<br>\"This needs to be done very frequently \/ occasionally \/ rarely\"<\/p><\/li><li><p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 [&quot;bulletList&quot;,{},&quot;listItem&quot;,{&quot;quillNestingLevel&quot;:0}]\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a405bb281\"><strong><em>Smileys<\/em><\/strong> (smiling-neutral-sad):<br>\"I usually find this easy \/ medium \/ difficult\"<\/p><\/li><\/ul><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405bb283\" style=\"\"><strong>In any case, it is important that all those involved realize that taking responsibility does not just mean <em>carrying something out, but rather feeling ' <\/em><em>responsible<\/em> ' for it overall .<\/strong><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18a405bb283\" style=\"\"><br><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18c87c296b9\" style=\"\"><strong><\/strong>If only one person sees themselves as a manager who has to keep track of concerns and distribute tasks on time, then the mental work is still not fairly regulated.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851702\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c87c2bad7\"><strong>The <em>mental load<\/em> trap: Why do arguments happen so often?<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a3867180c\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49103\" data-id=\"49103\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Mental strain: Both partners feel overwhelmed.\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192b851d615\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Illustration of a screaming couple and ghosts with the word &quot;Overwhelmed&quot; written on them.\" data-id=\"49117\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Staendiger-Streit-in-der-Beziehung-Ueberforderung.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e3fa1c\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49117\" title=\"Constant arguments in the relationship\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>Everyday life, with its many challenges, has us all firmly in its grip. When there's hardly any time for rest and everyone feels chronically overworked, nerves can quickly become frayed.<\/p><p><strong>However, we often forget that in a romantic relationship \u2013 despite all the soulmates \u2013 two very different people meet.<\/strong><\/p><p>Everyone brings their own family history and personal background. Ideas about what constitutes <em>order<\/em> and <em>chaos<\/em> can vary greatly, as can assessments of what is <em>best<\/em> for the children. It's not enough to have only vaguely discussed such differences once.<\/p><p>(You might also like to read our article \" <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/wie-beziehungen-funktionieren\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">How relationships work - The biggest myths debunked<\/a> \".)<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18870b503c4\"><h3 class=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851704\"><strong>Clear agreements prevent conflicts.<\/strong><\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a3867e463\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49104\" data-id=\"49104\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Greater understanding through clear agreements to combat mental load\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192bad85002\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of a couple on a couch talking about better understanding in their relationship.\" data-id=\"49104\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-mehr-Verstaendnis-durch-klare-Absprachen.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e40012\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49104\" title=\"Better communication in relationships\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>If you fail to make clear agreements in a timely manner, dissatisfaction quickly arises<\/strong> , for example, because your partner has once again not tidied the kitchen as you would have liked. The anger is swallowed time and again to avoid spoiling the mood \u2013 and so it happens that both partners repeatedly find themselves in awkward situations.<\/p><p>Then, when one day the refrigerator is empty and the trash can is full again, the situation suddenly boils over and unconstructive accusations are made, such as:<\/p><p>\"Why do I <em>always have to do <\/em><em>everything<\/em> ?\"<\/p><p>\"Why don't you <em>ever<\/em> take care of <em>anything<\/em> ?\"<\/p><p>\"Why is nobody doing the <em>dirty work here <\/em><em>except me<\/em> ?\"<em><\/em><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\" id=\"tve-jump-19282763dde\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851705\"><strong>How do I avoid the cycle of blame?<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a38688322\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49105\" data-id=\"49105\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"The spiral of accusations increases the mental load.\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192d215b2a1\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of a couple arguing and throwing arguments back and forth in the form of thought bubbles\" data-id=\"49105\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Vorwurfsspirale.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e41a04\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49105\" title=\"Accusations in the relationship\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>Therefore, you should tackle sensitive topics like 'division of tasks' and 'what do I need to feel (more) comfortable' regularly during relaxed times \u2013 over a cup of coffee or a walk. This takes some effort at first: <em>We're having such a nice breakfast together, why spoil the mood with the thorny issue of cleaning and shopping?<\/em><\/p><p>But if you manage to talk about it in a positive way, Sunday can actually go very well. For example, if someone says, <em>\"I'd really appreciate it if you vacuumed once a week. That would be a huge help!\",<\/em> it sounds different than if they complain, <em>\"It looks awful in here again because you just don't give a damn whether we're suffocating in the dirt.\"<\/em><\/p><p><strong>If I focus on myself and my needs, the likelihood that the other person will respond to them is much higher.<\/strong><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851706\"><strong>There is no good relationship without tolerance and compromise.<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a38690f7f\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49106\" data-id=\"49106\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Mental Load: What goals do you, as a couple, set for your relationship?\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18fa615176a\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"A couple lies in the grass, considering how to overcome a relationship crisis.\" data-id=\"49914\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Beziehungskrise-meistern-Veraenderung.jpeg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e4202d\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49914\" title=\"Overcoming a relationship crisis\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>There is no good relationship without tolerance. Tolerance begins precisely where, for example, a moment of regret arises and I, looking into the dishwasher, think \u2013 once again \u2013 \"Can't you just do it the same way (smartly and sensibly... ;-)) as I would?\"<\/p><p><strong>But \u2013 quite simply: The partner is <em>different because he <\/em><em>is<\/em> different . <\/strong><br><strong>And: He only comes as <em>a complete package<\/em> .<\/strong><\/p><p><em>If someone else doesn't arrange the cutlery as meticulously as I do, or if they haven't tidied up properly<\/em> again , it doesn't mean they're trying to spite me or annoy me. They probably just have a very different internal standard for structure and order. Perhaps some things aren't as important to them personally \u2013 and that's why they keep forgetting to put away the newspaper or hang up the laundry.<\/p><p>The crucial point is that this should under no circumstances be considered <em>mere<\/em> negligence.<\/p><p>On the other hand, that doesn't mean the topic can't be brought up again: \"I hope we can find a new solution. Maybe we could try some kind of shared living arrangement or consider whether we could afford a housekeeper every now and then. What do you think?\"<\/p><p>Learn more in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/kompromisse-in-der-beziehung\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">this article<\/a> about how you can achieve <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/kompromisse-in-der-beziehung\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">the best compromises using 6 specific strategies<\/a> .&nbsp;<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18870b503c4\"><h3 class=\"\" id=\"t-1685442240614\"><strong>\"If you really loved me, then you would know (...)\"<\/strong><\/h3><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a386a3f52\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49107\" data-id=\"49107\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"5 communication rules for balanced relationships\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192bac41878\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of five communication rules written in black on a board\" data-id=\"55157\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"768\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"432\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/beziehungsprobleme-richtige-kommunikation.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e43f05\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 768 \/ 432;\" class=\"wp-image-55157\" title=\"Effective communication in relationship problems\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>Sometimes the accusation is made: \"If you really loved me, you would know how important this is to me, and then I wouldn't have to constantly remind you.\"<\/strong><\/p><p>That's destructive communication. In this case, I'm implying a lack of love and willingness to help. If I want to avoid escalation, I should stay calm and choose a phrase like: \" <em>I don't think you've really grasped <u>how<\/u> incredibly good it makes me feel when our dining table is clear. I absolutely love having this 'oasis of order' at our house. Please try to remember to put the books and newspapers away every now and then.\"<\/em><\/p><p>(You might also like to read our article \" <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/staendiger-streit-in-der-beziehung\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Constant arguments in your relationship? Here's what you should know!<\/a> \")<\/p><p><strong>The most beautiful way we can positively influence people is by doing good things for them<\/strong> \u2013 whether it's our partner, a friend, or our daughter. This automatically increases their willingness to negotiate.<\/p><p>If I'm feeling frustrated that my partner isn't doing enough around the house, I could say something like, \" <em>You do such a great job organizing the kids' sports events and taking care of all our tax paperwork. That's a huge help. You know what else would be a massive help right now? If you could do the Saturday grocery shopping for the next few weeks. Then I wouldn't always start the weekend so stressed out<\/em> .\"<\/p><p><strong>When our contributions are seen and appreciated, we are much more willing to fulfill the requests of others.<\/strong> If something positive has been said or done for us, we are very likely to feel the desire to give something back.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693162851707\"><strong>Do couples with children have more conflicts about responsibilities?<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a386b63ac\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49108\" data-id=\"49108\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Higher mental load in couples with children\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18fa6153084\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of an overwhelmed mother with 3 children\" data-id=\"49108\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Kinder.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e444da\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49108\" title=\"Mental load with children, relationship crisis\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>Every couple has disagreements about tasks and responsibilities. With children, the potential for conflict increases.<\/p><p><strong>70 percent of couples experience turbulence when their first child is born, because then the cards are completely reshuffled.<\/strong><\/p><p>It takes a lot of patience and clear agreements until the new life feels right.<\/p><p><strong>Of course, arguing about childcare is much more emotional than arguing about vacuuming or buying a new coffee machine.<\/strong><\/p><p>Each partner wants to give the children the best \u2013 but ideas about <em>what<\/em> is best will never completely agree.<\/p><p>Couples should agree early on what they want <em>to pass on<\/em> to their children .<\/p><ul class=\"\"><li>What is important to me?<\/li><li>What do I consider sensible?<\/li><li>How about you?<\/li><li>How do we get together?<\/li><\/ul><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707470\"><strong>Prevent heated arguments<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a386c7ced\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49109\" data-id=\"49109\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Say &quot;No!&quot; to arguments\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192d216cb7c\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Drawing of a couple pushing away a devil with the word &quot;Argument&quot; written on it with their hands.\" data-id=\"49109\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Nein-zu-Streit-sagen.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e45f5e\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49109\" title=\"No to arguments in a partnership\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>When strong emotions are involved, a conversation can quickly escalate.<\/strong><\/p><p>If your pulse rises above one hundred, you should definitely stop talking. Too much inner turmoil destroys any constructive exchange.<\/p><p>Couples should agree on emergency exits (for example, a 'yellow' or 'red card' or other symbols). Or they could announce that, if necessary, they will leave the room to minimize the damage while postponing the conversation: <em>Let's continue talking tomorrow.<\/em><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707471\"><strong>Always having to be the one who has to keep track of everything? \u2013 One of the main causes of mental load.<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a38955328\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49110\" data-id=\"49110\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Mental load: Do you also have to constantly keep track of everything?\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192d217efe3\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Sketch of an angry housewife standing in front of the stove cooking while her husband lazily reads the newspaper.\" data-id=\"49110\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Ursache-alles-im-Blick-haben-muessen.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e46571\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49110\" title=\"Causes of Mental Load Division of Labor\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>Many women complain that, unlike men, they bear the main burden for the daily structure of the entire family and have to keep track of all family appointments<\/strong> \u2013 and that their partner, even if he participates in the household or plays with the children, does not take any overall responsibility for this.<\/p><p>If this is (generally) the case: How can this dilemma be solved?<\/p><p>The division of responsibilities in this area has usually increased among couples with children. When a baby is born, the mother is generally still the most important caregiver. She goes to the first check-ups. She attends the playgroup. She takes care of the registration deadlines for suitable daycare centers. This creates a division of roles in the lives of many men and women that quickly becomes entrenched.<\/p><p>That's why it's good to keep talking \u2013 before things become too one-sided in the long run. Discussing the most important things in small chunks is much easier than prolonged silence, eventually exploding, and leaving your partner completely bewildered.<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707472\"><strong>The illusion of objective justice<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a389621ca\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49111\" data-id=\"49111\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Mental Load: The Illusion of Objective Justice\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-18fa6156069\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Illustration of a couple performing arm wrestling on a table to represent justice\" data-id=\"49111\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Mental-Load-Gerechtigkeit.png\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e4852f\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49111\" title=\"Justice and equality partnership\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p><strong>An <em>objectively<\/em> fair and permanent distribution of all tasks within a dynamic family system? - It will never exist!<\/strong><\/p><p>However, one can regularly question the existing division of responsibilities and repeatedly try to assign newly arising tasks as fairly as possible according to the respective strengths, inclinations and the current subjective workload level of all those involved:<\/p><p>\"I'm currently taking care of pretty much everything \u2013 doctor's appointments, daycare, and homework. I would be incredibly grateful if you could take care of the garden independently for a while and accompany the children to sports practice on weekends. Does that work for you?\"<\/p><p>Many couples have found a family calendar on the refrigerator to be very useful. It has several columns side by side where all important dates, plans, and to-dos can be entered for each family member \u2013 there can also be a separate column for family time or for exclusive events for the couple.<\/p><p>This way everyone has a good overview of who is doing what and when, and whether there are also regular exciting projects that everyone can look forward to.<\/p><p><strong>The crucial thing, as I said, is to keep the lines of communication open. Regularly review agreements that have been made. Change anything that no longer makes sense.<\/strong><\/p><p>You can also ritualize these conversations, for example, by lingering a little longer at Sunday breakfast to discuss what's on the agenda for the coming week. Staying on top of things is important \u2013 and of course, a dose of humor, like: \"Who's going to get the most awful to-do card for next week?\" (like, for example, conducting the parent-teacher meeting with the math teacher who's totally fed up with our fidgety fifth-grader).<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1701693707473\"><strong>Test: How strong is your relationship?<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>If you would like to know how your partnership functions in terms of give and take, sense of togetherness and role distribution, feel free to use our scientifically developed partnership test (free of charge).<\/p><p>If you haven't taken the test yet and we haven't been able to create a (free) relationship profile for you: It takes about 10 minutes to take a step back and analyze your love life.<\/p><p>Gain a well-informed overview of your resources and challenges as a couple by answering the following questions:<\/p><\/div><div class=\"tcb-clear\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c87c2e885\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d2\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1c4\"><\/div>\n<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc62a1c\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1c6\" style=\"text-align: center;\">Take your relationship test now! (free)<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d5\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1c8\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>How is your relationship? <br>What are your strengths and weaknesses?<\/strong><\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 512;\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d0\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row v-2 tcb--cols--2 tcb-resized\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1c7\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-33\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d1\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886ccb1283\" style=\"\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1c5\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image wp-image-424 tcb-moved-image\" data-id=\"424\" data-init-width=\"1000\" data-init-height=\"1000\" title=\"Relationship profile\" data-width=\"204\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 1000 \/ 1000;\" data-css=\"tve-u-189b52d0ef2\" data-height=\"204\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Flyer from PaarBalance Online Coaching with personal relationship profile for relationship problems\" data-id=\"53041\" data-init-width=\"1000\" data-init-height=\"1000\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/beziehungsprofil.webp\" data-width=\"212\" data-css=\"tve-u-189b52d0ef2\" data-height=\"212\" width=\"212\" height=\"212\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 1000 \/ 1000;\" class=\"wp-image-53041\" title=\"Relationship profile Relationship test\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col c-66\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d4\"><div class=\"tcb-col\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d6\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1c9\">You will find out immediately afterwards in your personal PaarBalance relationship profile (free).<\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1c9\"><strong>Start your relationship test now!<\/strong><\/p><p data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1ca\" style=\"\">\u2713 Scientifically sound <br>\u2713 Includes detailed analysis <br>\u2713 Your data will not be shared <br>\u2713 100% free &amp; non-binding<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-button thrv-button-v2 tcb-local-vars-root tcb-flip\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1cb\" data-type=\"\" data-tcb_hover_state_parent=\"\" style=\"\">\n<div class=\"thrive-colors-palette-config\" style=\"display: none !important\">__CONFIG_colors_palette__{\"active_palette\":0,\"config\":{\"colors\":{\"62516\":{\"name\":\"Main Accent\",\"parent\":-1}},\"gradients\":[]},\"palettes\":[{\"name\":\"Default Palette\",\"value\":{\"colors\":{\"62516\":{\"val\":\"var(--tcb-color-0)\"}},\"gradients\":[]}}]}__CONFIG_colors_palette__<\/div>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/app.paarbalance.de\/beziehungstest\" class=\"tcb-button-link tcb-plain-text\" style=\"\" target=\"_blank\"><span class=\"tcb-button-icon\">\n<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_icon tve_no_drag tve_no_icons tcb-icon-inherit-style tcb-local-vars-root tcb-icon-display\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1cd\" data-tcb_hover_state_parent=\"\" style=\"\"><svg class=\"tcb-icon\" viewBox=\"0 0 512 512\" data-id=\"icon-arrow-circle-right-solid\" data-name=\"\"><path d=\"M256 8c137 0 248 111 248 248S393 504 256 504 8 393 8 256 119 8 256 8zm-28.9 143.6l75.5 72.4H120c-13.3 0-24 10.7-24 24v16c0 13.3 10.7 24 24 24h182.6l-75.5 72.4c-9.7 9.3-9.9 24.8-.4 34.3l11 10.9c9.4 9.4 24.6 9.4 33.9 0L404.3 273c9.4-9.4 9.4-24.6 0-33.9L271.6 106.3c-9.4-9.4-24.6-9.4-33.9 0l-11 10.9c-9.5 9.6-9.3 25.1.4 34.4z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/div>\n<\/span>\n<span class=\"tcb-button-texts\"><span class=\"tcb-button-text thrv-inline-text\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1ce\" style=\"\"><strong>Start your free relationship test now<\/strong><\/span><span class=\"tcb-secondary-text thrv-inline-text tve-froala fr-box\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1cf\" style=\"\"><\/span><\/span>\n<\/a>\n<\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d7\" style=\"\"><p data-css=\"tve-u-18ba3d2d1d3\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><small>100% secure. We comply with data protection regulations. Registration for the relationship test is <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">free<\/span> . <br>Please read this important information beforehand: <\/small><br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/datenschutzerklaerung\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\"><small>Data Protection<\/small><\/a><small> &nbsp;\u1427 <\/small><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/agb\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\"><small>Terms and Conditions<\/small><\/a><small> &nbsp;\u1427 <\/small><a href=\"\/en\/allgemeine-informationsvertragsbedingungen\/\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\"><small>General Information Agreement Terms and Conditions<\/small><\/a><small> &nbsp;. <\/small><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Transparenzerklaerung.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\"><small>Transparency Statement<\/small><\/a><\/p><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc43a43\"><h2 class=\"\" style=\"\" id=\"t-1693058012268\"><strong>Leave the mental load trap behind! This is how you become a strong team.<\/strong><\/h2><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>Immediately afterwards you will receive (free of charge) detailed feedback on the various aspects of your partnership.<\/p><p>Using traffic light colors, you can quickly see where potential dangers lurk and where you as a couple might be much stronger than you thought. :-)<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper tve_image_caption tve-image-caption-below\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-18a389772d9\" style=\"\"><span class=\"tve_image_frame\"><picture decoding=\"async\" class=\"tve_image tcb-moved-image wp-image-49112\" data-id=\"49112\" data-init-width=\"850\" data-init-height=\"483\" title=\"Love &amp; Joy instead of Mental Load\" data-width=\"755\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192d222b6fe\" loading=\"lazy\" data-height=\"429\">\n<source type=\"image\/webp\">\n<img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Illustration of how parents dream of having superpowers for more balance between family and relationship\" data-id=\"49112\" width=\"812\" data-init-width=\"850\" height=\"461\" data-init-height=\"483\" src=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Problem-Mental-Load-geloest.jpg\" data-width=\"812\" data-css=\"tve-u-18c34e48c62\" data-height=\"461\" style=\"aspect-ratio: auto 850 \/ 483;\" class=\"wp-image-49112\" title=\"Everyday problems, mental load\" loading=\"lazy\">\n<\/picture>\n<\/span><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" data-type=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-1886cc3cafa\"><p>If you wish, you can start with the Couple Balance coaching immediately afterwards: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/online-coaching\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">www.paarbalance.de\/online-coaching<\/a><\/p><p>&nbsp;<\/p><p><strong>PaarBalance can help you with this:<\/strong><\/p><p><strong>To make your partnership a source of joy again and to regain your former connection - despite the daily grind.<\/strong><\/p><p>The CoupleBalance program can be optimally integrated into the turbulent everyday life and can be completed entirely independently by one partner.<\/p><p>&nbsp;<\/p><p>We wish you much success and enjoyment and all the best for you and your relationship!<\/p><p>Yours sincerely, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/dr-judith-gastner\/\" class=\"\" style=\"outline: none;\">Dr. Judith Gastner<\/a> &amp; the entire PaarBalance team<\/p><\/div><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4acf\" style=\"\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" style=\"--tve-border-width: 0px; border: none !important;\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ace\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\">\t<p style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad1\"><strong>\u261d\ud83c\udffb <span data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ae3\">Related articles on the topic of <\/span><strong><span data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ae4\">&nbsp;\"No More Mental Load\"<\/span><\/strong><\/strong><\/p><\/div>[tcb_post_list query=\"{'paged':1,'filter':'custom','post_type':|{|'post'|}|,'related':|{||}|,'orderby':'date','order':'DESC','posts_per_page':'3','offset':'1','no_posts_text':'There are no posts to display.','exclude_current_post':|{||}|,'queried_object':{'ID':35252,'post_author':'3'},'dynamic_filter':{'category':'category','tag':'tag','author':'author','search':'search'},'sticky':|{||}|,'rules':|{|{'taxonomy':'post','terms':|{|'55927'|}|,'operator':'IN'},{'taxonomy':'post','terms':|{|'53851'|}|,'operator':'IN'},{'taxonomy':'post','terms':|{|'46048'|}|,'operator':'IN'}|}|}\" type=\"list\" columns-d=\"1\" columns-t=\"1\" columns-m=\"1\" vertical-space-d=\"0\" horizontal-space-d=\"30\" ct=\"post_list-43533\" ct-name=\"Image &amp; Text 12\" tcb-elem-type=\"post_list\" pagination-type=\"none\" pages_near_current=\"2\" dynamic_filter='{\"category\":\"category\",\"tag\":\"tag\",\"author\":\"author\",\"search\":\"search\"}' element-name=\"Post List\" css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\" no_posts_text=\"There are no posts to display.\" article-tcb_hover_state_parent=\"\" total_post_count=\"3\" total_sticky_count=\"0\" posts_per_page=\"3\" featured-content=\"0\" disabled-links=\"1\"  class='' article-tcb_hover_state_parent='' article-class='tve_evt_manager_listen tve_ea_thrive_animation tve_et_mouseover tve_anim_sweep_to_bottom' ][tcb_post_list_dynamic_style]@media (min-width: 300px){[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list #post-[tcb_the_id] [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad9\"]{background-image: url(\"[tcb_featured_image_url size=medium]\") !important;}[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list #post-[tcb_the_id] [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ada\"]:hover [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad9\"]{background-image: url(\"[tcb_featured_image_url size=medium]\") !important;}}[\/tcb_post_list_dynamic_style]\n<div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv-columns\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad6\" style=\"--tcb-col-el-width: 522;\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-row tcb-resized tcb-medium-no-wrap v-2 m-edit tcb-desktop-no-wrap tcb--cols--2 tcb-mobile-no-wrap\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad5\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad3\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ade\" style=\"\"><a href=\"[tcb_post_the_permalink]\" class=\"tve-dynamic-link\" dynamic-postlink=\"tcb_post_the_permalink\" data-shortcode-id=\"55927\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_contentbox_shortcode thrv-content-box tve-elem-default-pad tcb-local-vars-root tcb-mobile-hidden\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ada\" style=\"\">\n\t<div class=\"tve-content-box-background\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad9\" style=\"\" data-tcb_hover_state_parent=\"1\"><\/div>\n\t<div class=\"tve-cb\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4adb\" style=\"\"><\/div>\n<\/div><\/a><\/div><\/div><div class=\"tcb-flex-col\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad4\" style=\"\"><div class=\"tcb-col\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ae2\"><div class=\"thrv_wrapper thrv_text_element\" style=\"\"><h4 class=\"\" id=\"t-1726662858576\" style=\"\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\" data-css=\"tve-u-19486011bec\"><span class=\"thrive-shortcode-content\" data-shortcode=\"tcb_post_title\" data-shortcode-name=\"Post title\" data-extra_key=\"\" data-attr-link=\"1\" data-attr-target=\"0\" data-attr-rel=\"0\" data-option-inline=\"1\" data-attr-static-link=\"{&quot;className&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/emotionale-sicherheit\/&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;Emotional security: Why it\u2019s so important for romantic relationships&quot;}\" data-attr-css=\"\" style=\"\" data-css=\"tve-u-19486011b47\">[tcb_post_title link='1' target='0' rel='0' inline='1' static-link='{\"className\":\"\",\"href\":\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/emotionale-sicherheit\/\",\"title\":\"Emotional security: Why it\u2019s so important for romantic relationships\"}' css='']<\/span><\/span><\/h4><\/div>[tcb_post_content size='excerpt' read_more='' words='15' css='tve-u-192826e4ad7']\n\t\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n[\/tcb_post_list]<\/div>\n<\/div>","tve_custom_css":"@import url(\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Mulish:300,700,400,800,500&subset=latin\");@import url(\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Noto+Sans:400,700,500&subset=latin\");@media (min-width: 300px){[data-css=\"tve-u-18a386078f2\"] { width: 100%; 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}:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d30ed689\"] { padding-bottom: 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d364a4be\"] { padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7389\"] { --g-regular-weight: 400; --g-bold-weight: 700; border-width: medium; border-style: none; border-color: currentcolor; border-image: initial; font-size: var(--tve-font-size,16px); --tve-font-size: 16px; color: var(--tve-color,rgb(127,127,127)); --tve-color: rgb(127,127,127); --tcb-applied-color: rgb(127,127,127); font-weight: var(--tve-font-weight,var(--g-bold-weight,bold)); --tve-font-weight: var(--g-bold-weight,bold); line-height: var(--tve-line-height,1.4em); --tve-line-height: 1.4em; padding: 8px 15px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; background-image: none !important; margin-top: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7389\"]:hover { color: var(--tve-color,var(--tcb-local-color-a027f) ) !important; --tve-color: var(--tcb-local-color-a027f) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-local-color-a027f) !important; text-decoration: var(--tve-text-decoration,underline) !important; --tve-text-decoration: underline !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7389\"].tve-state-expanded { color: var(--tve-color,var(--tcb-local-color-a027f)); --tve-color: var(--tcb-local-color-a027f); --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-local-color-a027f); background-image: linear-gradient(rgb(239, 239, 239), rgb(239, 239, 239)) !important; background-size: auto !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738a\"] { --tve-toc-indent: 15px; max-width: 100%; float: none; --tcb-local-color-f1170: rgba(65,178,233,0.7); position: relative; display: block; overflow: hidden; padding-right: 1px !important; margin: 30px auto 40px !important; --tcb-local-color-a027f: rgba(0,93,255,0.05) !important; --tcb-local-color-21e68: rgb(184,211,255) !important; --tve-applied-max-width: 100% !important; z-index: 3 !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738a\"] .tve-toc-title-icon { color: rgb(255, 255, 255) !important; font-size: 15px !important; width: 15px !important; height: 15px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738b\"] { --tve-border-width: 0px; --tve-border-radius: 0px; background-image: none !important; border-radius: 0px !important; border-width: medium !important; border-style: none !important; border-color: currentcolor !important; border-image: initial !important; --tve-applied-border: none !important; --background-image: none !important; --tve-applied-background-image: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] { --tve-font-weight: var(--g-bold-weight,bold); --tve-color: rgb(255,255,255); --tve-applied---tve-color: rgb(255,255,255); --tve-font-size: 16px; border-top-left-radius: 10px; border-top-right-radius: 10px; overflow: hidden; --tve-text-decoration: none; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px !important; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px !important; background-image: linear-gradient(var(--tcb-local-color-a027f),var(--tcb-local-color-a027f)) !important; background-size: auto !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; --tve-applied-background-image: linear-gradient(var$(--tcb-local-color-a027f),var$(--tcb-local-color-a027f)) !important; padding: 17px 15px 12px 5px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; margin-top: 0px !important; z-index: 3 !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] p, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] li, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] blockquote, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] address, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] .tcb-plain-text, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] label { font-weight: var(--tve-font-weight,var(--g-bold-weight,bold)); font-size: var(--tve-font-size,16px); text-decoration: var(--tve-text-decoration,none); }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] p, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] li, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] blockquote, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] address, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] .tcb-plain-text, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] label, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] h1, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] h2, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] h3, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] h4, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] h5, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] h6 { color: var(--tve-color,rgb(255,255,255)); --tve-applied-color: var$(--tve-color,rgb(255,255,255)); --tcb-applied-color: rgb(255,255,255); }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738e\"] { overflow: visible; padding: 0px 15px 10px 5px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; margin-top: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738f\"] { overflow: hidden; border-radius: 0px 0px 12px 12px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738f\"] { background-image: none !important; --background-image: none !important; --tve-applied-background-image: none !important; background-color: rgba(0, 93, 255, 0.05) !important; --background-color: rgba(0,93,255,0.05) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: rgba(0,93,255,0.05) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] > .tve-content-box-background { background-image: none !important; --tve-applied-background-image: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"].tve-state-expanded > .tve-content-box-background { background-image: none !important; --tve-applied-background-image: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"].tve-state-expanded { overflow: hidden; --animation-angle: -90deg; border-bottom-right-radius: 10px !important; border-bottom-left-radius: 10px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"]:hover:not(.tve-state-expanded) { border-bottom-right-radius: 0px !important; overflow: hidden !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7390\"] { line-height: 1.2em !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7391\"] .tve_sep { background-image: url(\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg viewBox='0 0 12 2' xmlns='http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg' transform='rotate(90)'%3E%3Cline x1='0' y1='1' x2='12' y2='1' stroke='rgb(217,217,217)' stroke-dasharray='4' stroke-width='3' \/%3E%3C\/svg%3E\"); --tve-applied-background-image: url(\"data:image\/svg+xml,%3Csvg viewBox='0 0 12 2' xmlns='http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg' transform='rotate(90)'%3E%3Cline x1='0' y1='1' x2='12' y2='1' stroke='rgb(217,217,217)' stroke-dasharray='4' stroke-width='3' \/%3E%3C\/svg%3E\"); background-size: 2px 2px; background-position: center top; width: 2px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"].tve-state-expanded .tve-toc-title-icon { font-size: 15px !important; width: 15px !important; height: 15px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7392\"] { padding: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7393\"] { padding: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7394\"] { padding: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7396\"] { --g-regular-weight: 400; --g-bold-weight: 700; border-width: medium medium 2px; border-style: none none dotted; border-color: currentcolor currentcolor rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.1); border-image: initial; font-size: var(--tve-font-size,16px); --tve-font-size: 16px; color: var(--tve-color,rgb(80,80,80)); --tve-color: rgb(80,80,80); --tcb-applied-color: rgb(80,80,80); font-weight: var(--tve-font-weight,var(--g-regular-weight,normal)); --tve-font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal); line-height: var(--tve-line-height,1.4em); --tve-line-height: 1.4em; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tve-color,rgb(80,80,80)); --tve-applied---tve-color: rgb(80,80,80); padding: 8px 15px !important; background-image: none !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7396\"]:hover { color: var(--tve-color,var(--tcb-local-color-a027f)) !important; --tve-color: var(--tcb-local-color-a027f) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-local-color-a027f) !important; text-decoration: var(--tve-text-decoration,underline) !important; --tve-text-decoration: underline !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7396\"].tve-state-expanded { color: var(--tve-color,var(--tcb-local-color-a027f)); --tve-color: var(--tcb-local-color-a027f); --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-local-color-a027f); border-left-width: medium; border-left-style: none; border-left-color: currentcolor; background-image: linear-gradient(rgb(239, 239, 239), rgb(239, 239, 239)) !important; background-size: auto !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7390\"] { --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; color: var(--tcb-color-7) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-7) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-7) !important; font-family: Mulish !important; font-size: 18px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7390\"] strong { font-weight: 700 !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738c\"] .tve-toc-title-icon { color: var(--tcb-color-7) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-7) !important; font-size: 18px !important; width: 18px !important; height: 18px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7397\"] { padding-left: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738e\"] > .tve-cb { display: block; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c738a\"] > .tve-cb { display: block; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\"] { --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; border-width: medium; border-style: none; border-color: currentcolor; border-image: initial; font-size: var(--tve-font-size,16px); --tve-font-size: 16px; color: var(--tve-color,var(--tcb-color-7)); --tve-color: var(--tcb-color-7); --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-7); font-weight: var(--tve-font-weight,var(--g-regular-weight,normal)); --tve-font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal); line-height: var(--tve-line-height,1.4em); --tve-line-height: 1.4em; --tve-border-width: 0px; --tve-applied-border: none; font-family: var(--tve-font-family,Mulish); --tve-font-family: Mulish; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tve-color,var$(--tcb-color-7)); --tve-applied---tve-color: var$(--tcb-color-7); text-decoration: var(--tve-text-decoration,underline); --tve-text-decoration: underline; padding: 5px 15px !important; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 2px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\"]:hover { color: var(--tve-color,rgb(23,67,120)) !important; --tve-color: rgb(23,67,120) !important; --tcb-applied-color: rgb(23,67,120) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tve-color,rgb(23,67,120)) !important; --tve-applied---tve-color: rgb(23,67,120) !important; font-weight: var(--tve-font-weight,var(--g-regular-weight,normal)) !important; --tve-font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; text-decoration: var(--tve-text-decoration,underline) !important; --tve-text-decoration: underline !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-191d89c7398\"].tve-state-expanded { color: var(--tve-color,var(--tcb-local-color-a027f)); --tve-color: var(--tcb-local-color-a027f); --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-local-color-a027f); border-left: 2px solid var(--tcb-local-color-f1170); background-image: linear-gradient(rgb(239, 239, 239), rgb(239, 239, 239)) !important; background-size: auto !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826db80a\"] { width: 30px; --tve-alignment: center; float: none; margin-left: auto !important; margin-right: auto !important; margin-top: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826db80a\"] img { opacity: 0.7; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e1d\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; box-shadow: none; --tve-applied-box-shadow: none; --tve-border-width: 0px; background-color: rgba(0, 93, 255, 0.05) !important; --background-color: rgba(0,93,255,0.05) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: rgba(0,93,255,0.05) !important; border-width: medium !important; border-style: none !important; border-color: currentcolor !important; border-image: initial !important; --tve-applied-border: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e1e\"] { max-width: 100%; margin-top: 0px !important; padding: 15px 15px 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e1f\"] { padding-bottom: 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 18px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e21\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; padding-top: 0px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e22\"] { padding-bottom: 0px !important; padding-top: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e23\"] { line-height: 1.5em !important; padding-top: 6px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e2e21\"] li { margin-bottom: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ace\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; box-shadow: none; --tve-applied-box-shadow: none; --tve-border-width: 0px; background-color: rgba(0, 93, 255, 0.05) !important; --background-color: rgba(0,93,255,0.05) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: rgba(0,93,255,0.05) !important; border-width: medium !important; border-style: none !important; border-color: currentcolor !important; border-image: initial !important; --tve-applied-border: none !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4acf\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; padding: 15px 15px 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; z-index: 10 !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad1\"] { padding-bottom: 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 18px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper { width: calc(100% + 0px); }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n+2) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n+2)) { margin-top: 0px !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:nth-child(n) { margin-right: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"] { border-radius: 0px; overflow: hidden; margin: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad3\"] { max-width: 17.1992%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad4\"] { max-width: 82.7998%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad5\"] { margin-left: -30px !important; padding: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad6\"] { margin: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad5\"] > .tcb-flex-col { padding-left: 30px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list .post-wrapper { border-bottom-width: medium; border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-color: currentcolor; border-top-width: medium; border-top-style: none; border-top-color: currentcolor; --tve-border-width: 0px; padding: 5px 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list .post-wrapper:hover { background-color: rgba(183, 183, 183, 0.05) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list .post-wrapper::after { background-attachment: scroll; background-image: none; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: repeat; background-size: auto; background-color: rgba(183, 183, 183, 0.05) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] { --tve-font-size: 14px; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad9\"] { border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; --tve-border-radius: 5px; background-image: url(\"[tcb_featured_image_url size=medium]\") !important; --background-image: url(\"[tcb_featured_image_url size=medium]\") !important; --tve-applied-background-image: none !important; background-size: cover !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; --background-size: cover !important; --background-position: 50% 50% !important; --background-attachment: scroll !important; --background-repeat: no-repeat !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ada\"] { width: 230px; float: none; max-width: 105px; margin: 0px auto !important; padding: 0px !important; --tve-applied-max-width: 79% !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list .thrv-content-box [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4adb\"] { height: 105px !important; --tve-applied-height: 105px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ada\"]:hover [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad9\"] { background-image: url(\"[tcb_featured_image_url size=medium]\") !important; background-size: cover !important; background-position: 50% 50% !important; background-attachment: scroll !important; background-repeat: no-repeat !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] p, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] a, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] ul, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] ul > li, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] ol, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] ol > li, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] h1, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] h2, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] h3, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] h4, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] h5, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] h6, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] blockquote > p, :not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad7\"] pre { font-size: var(--tve-font-size,14px); }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ade\"] { justify-content: flex-start !important; }.tcb-post-list[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"] .post-wrapper.thrv_wrapper:not(:nth-child(n)) { margin-right: 30px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-1928274a276\"] { font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-19282757395\"] { font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192827652f9\"] { font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3bf\"] { --tve-border-radius: 214px; border-radius: 214px; overflow: hidden; width: 45px; position: absolute; top: 8px; left: 0px; margin-top: 5px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c0\"] { --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-size: 12px !important; color: var(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; font-family: Mulish !important; font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c1\"] { text-decoration-line: none !important; text-decoration-thickness: initial !important; text-decoration-style: initial !important; --eff: none !important; text-decoration-color: var(--eff-color,currentColor) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c2\"] { padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; padding-top: 2px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c3\"] { padding-left: 54px !important; margin-top: 7px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c4\"] { padding-left: 54px !important; padding-top: 1px !important; margin-top: -2px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c5\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; background-color: transparent !important; --background-color: transparent !important; --tve-applied-background-color: transparent !important; justify-content: center !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c6\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; padding: 0px 10px 10px 15px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c7\"] { text-shadow: none; --tve-applied-text-shadow: none; --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-size: 14px !important; color: var(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; line-height: 1.75em !important; font-family: Mulish !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c8\"] { --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3c9\"] { --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-weight: var(--g-bold-weight,bold) !important; font-family: Mulish !important; text-decoration-line: none !important; text-decoration-thickness: initial !important; text-decoration-style: initial !important; text-decoration-color: var(--tcb-text-decoration-color,initial) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3ca\"] { color: var(--tcb-skin-color-0) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-0) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-0) !important; font-size: 14px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cb\"] { font-weight: var(--g-bold-weight,bold) !important; box-shadow: none !important; border-bottom-width: medium !important; border-bottom-style: none !important; border-bottom-color: currentcolor !important; background: none !important; text-decoration: none !important; transition: none !important; padding-left: 0px !important; --eff: none !important; --tve-applied-box-shadow: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cb\"]:hover { text-decoration: none !important; background: none !important; box-shadow: none !important; --tve-applied-box-shadow: none !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cd\"] { text-shadow: none; --tve-applied-text-shadow: none; --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-size: 14px !important; color: var(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; line-height: 1.75em !important; font-family: Mulish !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3ce\"] { max-width: 50%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cf\"] { background-color: rgb(248, 248, 248) !important; --background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d0\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; background-color: rgb(248, 248, 248) !important; --background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3cd\"] strong { font-weight: 700 !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d1\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; padding: 5px 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d2\"] { padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d3\"] { max-width: unset; --tve-border-top-left-radius: 5px; border-top-left-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; --tve-border-top-right-radius: 5px; border-top-right-radius: 5px; --tve-applied-max-width: unset !important; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; background-color: var(--tcb-color-8) !important; --background-color: var(--tcb-color-8) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: var$(--tcb-color-8) !important; margin-right: 20px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d4\"] { max-width: 50%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d5\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; background-color: transparent !important; --background-color: transparent !important; --tve-applied-background-color: transparent !important; padding-top: 0px !important; justify-content: center !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d6\"] .tve_sep { width: 100%; border-width: 2px !important; border-color: rgb(255, 255, 255) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d6\"] { max-width: unset; --tve-applied-max-width: unset !important; padding-top: 15px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d7\"] .tve_sep { width: 100%; border-width: 2px !important; border-color: rgb(255, 255, 255) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc2f3d7\"] { padding-top: 15px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30aba\"] { --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-size: 12px !important; color: var(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; font-family: Mulish !important; font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abb\"] { font-size: 25px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 25px; height: 25px; --tcb-local-color-icon: var(--tcb-color-2); --tcb-local-color-var: var$(--tcb-color-2); --tve-icon-size: 25px; border-width: medium; border-style: none; border-color: currentcolor; border-image: initial; border-radius: 0px; --tve-applied-border: none; background-size: auto; background-attachment: scroll, scroll, scroll; background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat; padding: 0px !important; background-image: none !important; --tve-applied-background-image: none !important; --background-image: none !important; background-color: transparent !important; --background-color: transparent !important; --tve-applied-background-color: transparent !important; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abb\"] > :first-child { color: var(--tcb-color-2); --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-2); }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abc\"] { --tve-border-radius: 100px; border-radius: 100px; overflow: hidden; background-color: var(--tcb-color-6) !important; --background-color: var(--tcb-color-6) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: var$(--tcb-color-6) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abd\"] { float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; --tve-alignment: left; max-width: 60px; padding: 10px !important; margin: 0px auto 0px 6px !important; --tve-applied-max-width: 60px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abe\"] { min-height: 25px !important; --tve-applied-min-height: 25px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30abf\"] { max-width: 15%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac0\"] { max-width: 84.9991%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac1\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; margin-top: 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; background-color: rgb(248, 248, 248) !important; --background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac2\"] { padding-left: 10px !important; padding-top: 1px !important; margin-top: -2px !important; padding-bottom: 1px !important; margin-bottom: 5px !important; margin-left: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac3\"] > .tcb-flex-col { padding-left: 0px; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac3\"] { margin-left: 0px !important; padding-top: 10px !important; padding-bottom: 10px !important; padding-left: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac4\"]::after { clear: both; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac5\"] { justify-content: center !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac6\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; background-color: transparent !important; --background-color: transparent !important; --tve-applied-background-color: transparent !important; padding-top: 0px !important; justify-content: flex-start !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac7\"] { max-width: unset; --tve-border-bottom-right-radius: 5px; border-bottom-right-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; --tve-border-bottom-left-radius: 5px; border-bottom-left-radius: 5px; --tve-applied-max-width: unset !important; margin-top: 0px !important; background-color: var(--tcb-color-8) !important; --background-color: var(--tcb-color-8) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: var$(--tcb-color-8) !important; margin-right: 20px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac8\"] { text-shadow: none; --tve-applied-text-shadow: none; --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-size: 14px !important; color: var(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; line-height: 1.75em !important; font-family: Mulish !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac9\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; background-color: rgb(248, 248, 248) !important; --background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; --tve-applied-background-color: rgb(248,248,248) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30aca\"] { max-width: 50%; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ac8\"] strong { font-weight: 700 !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acb\"] { margin-top: 10px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; padding: 5px 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acc\"] { font-size: 22px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 22px; height: 22px; --tcb-local-color-icon: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tcb-local-color-var: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tve-icon-size: 22px; float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; --tve-alignment: left; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acd\"] { max-width: 20%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ace\"]::after { clear: both; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acf\"] { max-width: 20%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad0\"] { max-width: 20%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad1\"] { max-width: 20%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad2\"] { max-width: 20%; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad3\"] { max-width: unset; --tve-applied-max-width: unset !important; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 5px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad4\"] { padding-top: 3px !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad6\"] { padding-left: 10px !important; padding-top: 2px !important; margin-top: -2px !important; padding-bottom: 5px !important; margin-left: 10px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad7\"] { font-size: 22px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 22px; height: 22px; --tcb-local-color-icon: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tcb-local-color-var: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tve-icon-size: 22px; float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; --tve-alignment: left; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad7\"]:hover { --tcb-local-color-icon: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tcb-local-color-var: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad7\"]:hover > :first-child { color: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad8\"] { font-size: 22px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 22px; height: 22px; --tcb-local-color-icon: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tcb-local-color-var: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tve-icon-size: 22px; float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; --tve-alignment: left; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad8\"]:hover { --tcb-local-color-icon: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tcb-local-color-var: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad8\"]:hover > :first-child { color: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad9\"] { font-size: 22px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 22px; height: 22px; --tcb-local-color-icon: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tcb-local-color-var: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tve-icon-size: 22px; float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; --tve-alignment: left; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad9\"]:hover { --tcb-local-color-icon: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tcb-local-color-var: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ad9\"]:hover > :first-child { color: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ada\"] { font-size: 22px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; width: 22px; height: 22px; --tcb-local-color-icon: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tcb-local-color-var: rgba(10,10,10,0.85); --tve-icon-size: 22px; float: left; z-index: 3; position: relative; --tve-alignment: left; margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ada\"]:hover { --tcb-local-color-icon: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tcb-local-color-var: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ada\"]:hover > :first-child { color: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acc\"]:hover { --tcb-local-color-icon: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tcb-local-color-var: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30acc\"]:hover > :first-child { color: var(--tcb-color-2) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-color-2) !important; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30adb\"] { --g-regular-weight: 300; --g-bold-weight: 700; font-size: 14px !important; color: var(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tcb-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; --tve-applied-color: var$(--tcb-skin-color-5) !important; font-family: Mulish !important; font-weight: var(--g-regular-weight,normal) !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30adc\"] { padding-top: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30add\"] { margin-top: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; padding: 0px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ade\"] { --tve-border-radius: 5px; border-radius: 5px; overflow: hidden; background-color: transparent !important; --background-color: transparent !important; --tve-applied-background-color: transparent !important; justify-content: center !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30adf\"] { padding-bottom: 0px !important; margin-bottom: 0px !important; padding-top: 2px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192dfc30ae0\"] { max-width: 50%; }:not(#tve) [data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-19486011b47\"] { font-size: 16px !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-192826e4ad2\"].tcb-post-list [data-css=\"tve-u-19486011bec\"] { text-decoration: underline !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad662\"] .tcb-button-link { letter-spacing: 2px; background-image: linear-gradient(var(--tcb-local-color-62516,rgb(19,114,211)),var(--tcb-local-color-62516,rgb(19,114,211))); --tve-applied-background-image: linear-gradient(var$(--tcb-local-color-62516,rgb(19,114,211)),var$(--tcb-local-color-62516,rgb(19,114,211))); background-size: auto; background-attachment: scroll; border-radius: 5px; padding: 18px; background-position: 50% 50%; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-color: transparent !important; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad662\"] .tcb-button-link span { color: rgb(255, 255, 255); --tcb-applied-color: #fff; }[data-css=\"tve-u-1981a0ad662\"] { --tcb-local-color-62516: var(--tcb-color-0) !important; 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Here&#039;s how to achieve a fair division of labor.<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Mental load refers to the ongoing mental strain of everyday life. Our couples therapists will show you how to solve your mental load problem.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/mental-load\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"No more mental load! Here&#039;s how to achieve a fair division of labor.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Mental load: the ongoing mental strain of everyday life. Our couples therapists will show you how to solve your mental load problem.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/en\/mental-load\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"PaarBalance\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/paarbalance\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/paarbalance\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-04-03T11:54:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-05-05T05:37:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.paarbalance.de\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/Beitragsbild-Mental-Load.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"500\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Dr. Judith Gastner\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:title\" content=\"Schluss mit Mental Load! 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